What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

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Hair

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What did the clinically depressed man get for Christmas? He received many of splendid gifts and a joyous day with his family. He realized that his life isn't so bad after all, and went home with his head held high. He was then eaten by a vicious looking 7.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is a highly unlikely circumstance due to the fact that there are no wild chickens and most chicken coops are nowhere near a road

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Why did the woman lie down? She was dead

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What's the only thing more horrible than trash can full of dead babies? A live one at the bottom. What's more horrible than that? He has to eat his way out. What's more horrible than that? He goes back for more. What's more horrible than that? This all took place in my garage while I was watching.

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What do you call a deer with one eye? Nothing. The deer was transported to a specialist animal hospital and now has two working eyes, eliminating the purpose of this joke. We apologise for wasting your time.

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What battle did Napoleon die in? His last one.

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So a mouse walks into a bar....the bartender immediatly kills it because he doesn't want another C rating by the sanitation department.

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What did the black man do when he found a bucket full of KFC chicken on the ground? He promptly looked around for anyone who might have bought it. After searching around, with no takers, he ate some of the chicken and saved the rest. He brought it back to his apartment and left it in his fridge, so he may later eat it as leftovers.

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A Jew and a German walk into a bar.

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When you say that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice. I say that you cant count to infinity because it isnt a quantifyable number

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Hitler.. Hitlar... Hillar... Hillary Clinton

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Mexicans are inferior because! BEECUZ! Listen buddy, to be honest, I get girls every now and then because I am what they all want me to be, myself. You are a great friend as far as I am concerned, and I care a lot about you considering I saw you once like... 13 years ago, but I do not spend an entire night chatting with someone on horsehead network out of all things unless that person means a lot more than sex for me... Hell, if I did not feel that nice about you, I would not even have wanted to, and that sounds really awkward for a guy like me to say, believe me, you wont be losing a friend. AS LONG AS YOU KEEP GIVING IT TO ME! I am joking, but this is who I am (sadly) I have many female friends, and yeah well, some I well you know, I am just not the kind of guy that listens to girls sob stories, and pretend to be their gay best friend, while I watch someone bad ass come and bang her... Nah, I am more like that bad ass banger, except I dont break girls hearts afterwards. Seriously, I am really fond of you, to the point where I will say something guys mostly do not say: If you are feeling pressured into stuff, then dont do it, you wont be losing a friend, I wanna spend an intimate night with you (day, shower, on the breakfast table all that) but thats because I really like you, we have built some intimacy in pretty short time if you ask my opinion... See? Now I am being honest and leaving myself vulnerable, and I do that because I honestly care about you.

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hi i'm a dick, i mean mitt romney

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What did the baby say to the man? Babies can't talk ,the baby did not say anythingto the man!

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I'm sorry sally your grandmother is dead. LOL _ grandpa Laugh out loud!. I can't belive you. I thought it meant lots of love Grandpa-ha funny mistake though right?

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What did the brick say to the face? Nothing bricks don't talk.

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Why did Sally fly off the swing, She had no arms Knock knock *Who's there* Not Sally

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What does a Jew do when he finds money on the street? He picks it up and is probably happy it was there.

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Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory? Because she threw out all the M&M's with W's on them.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? It varies. Alzheimer's is a very slow progressing disease, and many people suffering from it are capable of a wide variety of a number of everyday activities.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms! Knock knock! Who'z there? Not Suzy.

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What's brown and sticky? My ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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