LISTEN UP PEEPS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU MY PASSWORD.. just as shown on screen THIS IS IT: ******* YEP just as shown on screen

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How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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Why couldn't kitty drink it's milk?\ It's face was nailed to the floor

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Four turtles once fell into nuclear waste. They remained unnoticed and later died from exposure to radiation.

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Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

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why was the cream sad? he was frozen and turned into a popular dessert

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Your momma is so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.

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what's the best way to get your younger sibling to stop being annoying? Shoot Him

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

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whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

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Roses are red Violets are blue your mum is fat and so are you

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How many juice does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Tell me you're a rapist. You're a rapist. This joke makes no sense. Mashed potatoes.

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how do you kill Lady Gaga? with a gun.

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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What did the blonde do when she reached the traffic lights? She stopped, as the lights were red.

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Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? I don't know, I've never tried to.

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Happy Birthday!! Have some meth cupcakes.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and an arab walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the arab has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the arab that he's with a swine, and the arab is offended for the poor horse.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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