Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

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Do you want to hear some bad news? My wife just died Do you want to hear some good news? I'm single

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What do you call a fat cat? Nothing if you are a good person

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

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What's the difference between a duck? both of it's legs are the same.

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Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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A man walks into a bar. He gets wasted and forgets the punchline.

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Your brother is so ugly that sometimes he gets teased at schools and comes home crying.

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why was the girl raped? she left the kitchen.

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Good because it is important to keep food chilled to prevent it from spoiling and in turn wasting money

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What did the white man say to the black man? Nice Pants

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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try this on someone: Knock Knock Who's there? Knock Knock Who's There? Knock Knock They will keep asking who's there while you laugh

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Two white people walk into a bar what do they say? "hi"

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Why are some people so good at basketball? Because they are all black.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she couldn't afford one.

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What did the businessman at work do when he found out his wife was cheating on him? He stayed in his cubicle and continued to work, because he was a diligent, hard-working man.

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I can vote and I am equal to males in the work enviornment. That's what she said.

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and gay people? Quite a bit, actually, because Justin Beiber is one person, and "gay people" is a community.

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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