Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mom is so fat that she has to wear larger clothes than the average person.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

There are 3 type of people in the world. People who can count, and people who can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

If a small quiz is a quizicle then what is a small test? A quiz.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than missing your flight? Realizing that everyone who got on it died from a bomb

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear about the black guy who got into college? Actually, there are nearly 10,00 African Americans who get accepted into college every year. This specific black male is notable because of his stellar grades and his activity in his community.

thumb_up thumb_down +191

Why did German shower heads have eleven holes? Because jews only have ten fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How does a black man make an anti joke? www.anti-joke.com/submit

thumb_up thumb_down +47

A blonde is walking down the road, and she sees a sign saying STOP. She carries on walking. As a pedestrian, the sign does not apply to her.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a fat kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man walked into a bar and asked if he could use the toilet The bartender told him that it was for paying customers only The man walked up to the bartender, ordered a drink and then proceeded to go to the toilet He came back feeling refreshed, finished his drink and said his goodbyes

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why do black people always say to the left to the left... because they don't have rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Wanna hear a joke? 9-11

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? A: I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A.how does a penguin change a light bulb? A.the same way all other penguins change a lightbulb

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you make money? Kill babies and sell them.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats worse than a son killing his own father? His biological father finds him, 10 years later.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the fat guy become fat ...COD..

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops