Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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How did Jimmy know that his neighbor was a serial killer? He didn't... Jimmy's dead now

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple finding half a worm in your apple.

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justin beiber is having intimate sex with a woman.

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b

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What's the difference between a piece of chicken and a black guy? They were both once alive and innocent, I lied about the black guy.

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Roses are red Violets are blue i cant ryme or spell.

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What do you call a black man inside a house that is on fire? A fire fighter as well as a hero since he was probably inside the house searching for anyone who was trapped inside

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tomorrows international kill and orphan day, how meany of the sad bastard's you plan on baking into dough?

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whats funny? a relatsion ship for 16 hours

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my cleats off when I jump on trampolines

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The game.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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Come over here boy and have a cigar, you're gonna go far. Congratulations on being the first human cannonball, please use the cigar to light the fuse. Happy landings.

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Q: What do you call a plane with no wings? A: An unfinished plane.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

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How did 6-year old dyslexic boy start his essay on soap? Sopa is shit...

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why did the dead baby cross the road? it was stapled to a chicken

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Why did the man drown in the bath? He was a quadriplegic and couldn't support himself above the water.

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your mum

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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