How many babies can you fit in a toilet? To be exact you would have to do all this math, so I tested it out myself and got 7.6.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead.

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So an asian man gets into a car... and drives home on the highway driving at the approximate speed of the designated speed limit while exhibiting safe driving maneuvers. He arrives home to his wife and kids and sits down for a nice dinner while having a engaging conversation about the political future of the United States and his favorite football team.

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How do you get two whales in a car? You can't. Whales are very large creatures and cannot fit into anything that size.

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A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

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Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? The bench can support a family!

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i said call 911 and they said whats the number?

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He had no legs

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Knock, Knock... Who's there? Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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A Jew and a Nazi have dinner together...... they both immensely enjoyed the wine.

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Let them think that you are insane, vulnerable, and they wont bother leaking a lot of shit about you, this "shit info" will remain inaccurate and reveal weaknesses where there is none. I had to draw them away from you, but as soon as he began selling Intel regarding my missing eye, I figure our "not so friends in the unknown" would have eventually begun searching for "The one eyed man" among you. And had they not found one, they might just as likely made it seem as if there was one for the money. None of the thugs sent to attack me nor the "Nero decoys" where professionals, but those behind them sure are, considering that they paid these thugs more than what I make during a year. Gotta go pretty girl, hope we meet again in not so long. Moral: This is all a joke, get over it, Moral has left forever, mission complete.

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Why was the boy crying? Because him and his sister were sent to an orphanage.

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Why was the jew crying? He just found out his newborn baby had twenty minutes to live.

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer .

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What did the teacher say to the pupil who was bad at maths? You are bad at maths and will never complete any sum EVER!

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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A chicken walks into a barn.

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fjdkhg

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how many licks does it take to get too the tootsie center of a tootsie pop. Well it depends on how you eat it, there is always the option of biting it, so there is no defined answer, as well as ones lick might absorb more of the lollipop then another mans.

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what's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Why did you loose the basketball game? Because they scored more points than us.

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An under aged girl walks into a bar. She couldn't have done so without a fake ID and early development.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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