so a jew walks into a bar and leaves at 9:00 becuase he has work in the morning.

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A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

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what's a self-driving car 10 years from now? probably just "a car".

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are trapped on a desert island. As they investigate the island to find food and shelter they find a magic lamp. Together they rub the lamp and sure enough a genie appears and tells them he will grant each of them a single wish. The brunette goes first and wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house, where her husband and children are waiting for her. She is happy that her ordeal is behind her and to see her loved ones. The redhead goes next and also wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house. She is not married and has no kids, but she has 2 cats. She is happy to be through her ordeal and to see her beloved pets. The blonde went last and also wished to be sent home. The genie clapped his hands and she appeared back in her house. She wasn't married, and had no kids or pets, but she was still happy that her ordeal was over.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who. *giggle*

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What do a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common? They are both hardworking members of the community!

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Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

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I really don't like Holocaust jokes. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off of a guard tower.

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

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The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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I just lost the game where if you think about the game then you lose the game. so did you.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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Two muffins were in an oven. The first muffin says: 'It sure is hot in here!' The second muffin says: 'Why are they only cooking two muffins?'

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what do you call a tall black man with big ears? orangatang

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Why did Schrödinger's Cat cross the road? It didn't

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo Boo hoo? Boo hoo your parents are dead.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Try and teach her the finer points of Quantum Physics without allowing her to take any notes, and then test her on it.

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What do you call a dog with no wings? A dog

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What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

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Why does Derrek Ashmore act so feminine on his facebook statuses? Because he has a vagina so it is appropriate for him

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

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Why did the man crossing the busy road die? because he wanted to

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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