A platypus walks into a bar. They are the only mammals with the ability to lay an egg.

thumb_up thumb_down +2,614

Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why doesn't superman eat peanuts? Because he doesn't like them.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's worse than losing $100 at the racetrack? Losing at Russian Roulette

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was six afraid of seven? because seven has cold, dead eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A. Wanna Hear a funny joke? B. Yes! A. The WNBA.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What are three things an average teenager cannot live without? Oxygen, Food, and Water. Duh.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did the chicken cross the road? to vote off obama

thumb_up thumb_down +7

She was so hot every guy instantly jizzed upon seeing her. Even seeing her fingernails gave boners to thousands of people. Poor thing never had sex, no one could hold it in until they started. Maybe only Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

#If you go down in the woods today, your sure of a big surprise #If you go down in the woods today, you better go in disguise. # I don't know why, I started typing this out and realized I couldn't actually come up with a suitable concluding line.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a kid with no arms annd legs? Names

thumb_up thumb_down -3

My new Muslim friend is the BOMB

thumb_up thumb_down +22

See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black man with pantyhose on his head. A white guy in the dark with black pantyhose on his head

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A black man walks into a convienent store, pays for his stuff and leaves

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sam murray got home after school one day, he siad hello to his father and possibly played some Avatar on the D.S

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the student shoot his teacher? Because he was super depressed and was just diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. And he was black.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

42.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats worse than seeing your mom naked. Your dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A black guy walks into a bar orders his drink and could not do it in a more civilized way

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock! Who's there? Joe Joe who? Your friend Joe OK come in

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: Why shouldn't you walk under a ladder? A: Because it could fall on top of you. Be a reasonable human being and just fly OVER the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops