knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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Why doesn't Susie have a bike? She has no arms. Who pushed Johnny off a cliff? Definitely not Susie.

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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Needless to say,

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How much is an abortion? A life

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Why was the boy in the hospital? He was visiting his grandmother, she had cancer and the doctor gave her 3 months to live.

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? You poke-er--face....pokerface.

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Waiter, there is a hydrogen conducting carbon nanotube in my soup. That is part of the special, sir.

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? It was my car.

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how do you make money? you roba bank! :)

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I was walking down a railway line the other day... I was fined £1000

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How do you make a drug dealer cry? Just say no

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A girlfriend scolds her boyfriend for "sitting on anti-joke all day." He then explains how it is impossible to sit on something that exists purely in digital form and instead noted it would be more correct to say sitting at a desk all day. She complied and saw the error of her ways.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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What do you get if you cross James Bond with Osama bin Laden? James bin Laden.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped.

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This post contains NOTHING.

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What do humans and fish both have in common? They both live underwater, apart from humans.

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Q: What's worse than ten babies tied to ten trees? A: One baby tied to ten trees.

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What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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One time, I called the police, but it was actually a fire. So my neighbors died.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "Only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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