Why didnt little timmy have a pencil? He was poor

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Q: What did the man with no arms and no legs receive for Christmas? A: Cancer

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What did hitler say to the bartender? Nothing he's dead.

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What do a gas and a liquid have in common? Nothing

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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How did the dead baby cross the road? stapled to the chickens foot.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and after a couple hours he leaves. He's only color blind.

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Phillip has 200 pieces of candy, Phillip eats 185 pieces of that candy, what does Phillip have left? Diabetes, Phillip has diabetes.

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The Hardest Final Exam, Test, Quiz! !!! 1. What is the first question? a. True b. False 2. Which of the following is following a witch? a. Broom b. Stick c. Broomstick d. Stickbroom 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b b. c c. d d. e 4. Which of the following is NOT true? a. True b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? a. north is south b. south is north c. south is south b. north is north 6. How many can you a. See? b. Feel? c. Hear? d. Disturbing? 7. What number are we in? a. second b. first c. sixth d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? a. True b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken b. egg c. all of the above d. none of the above 10. What is the opposite of below? a. below b. above c. all of the above d. none of the above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? a. a b. b c. c d. all of the above 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? b. True? c. needs more improvement 13. What color is the rainbow? a. yellow b. red c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? a. The rooster b. The egg c. The chicken d. The duck 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True b. False 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? a. Robinson Carusoe b. Tom Hanks c. The blue lagoon d. non-existing cells 17. Choose the best answer a. opposite b. average c. both a and b are wrong d. all of the above 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The b. ? c. A d. no 19. Can you go faster? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? a. 2+2=4 b. 3 c. 7 d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer a. True b. False 22. Why? a. because b. where? c. why? d. Z 23. Almost Done? a. True b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. a. Left? b. Right? c. On which side will the egg fall d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile b. snake c. living thing d. car 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy b. entrofy c. ontrafie d. entropy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon b. 2 moons c. 45 mph d. red 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. All of the above e. None of the above f. Only a and c are correct G. Actually, both abcdefg are not alphabets 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End b. The microwave is the end of c. The end of the end d. end then 30. What is an apple? a. It's a bird b. It's a plane c. It's superman d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? a. English b. Spanish c. Portuguese d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush b. ask the audience c. phone a friend d. 1969 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water b. Fire c. Answer d. Question 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True b. False 35. Answer this question? a. firefly b. hummingbird c. Seattle d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? a. pants b. rabbit c. chicken d. you lose 37. What comes after A? a. A b. F+ c. A rabbit d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar b. A chocolate of bar c. bartender chocolate d. both b and d are wrong 39. Who is? a. True b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True b. False 41. What is the answer for number 41? a. expensive haircut b. sausage company c. No answer d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? a. Yes, but not sure b. No, this is biology c. Not True d. Not False e. All of below F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True b. False 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission b. c. All of the answers are not true d. below above 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? a. Alarm b. Doorbell c. Cause and Effect d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people b. 7 lightbulbs c. 7 O’clock d. 7-11 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will b. It won’t make noise c. It will not d. It cannot make noise 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? a. The Minister b. where c. Nobody knows d. Sometimes 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? a. one dollar b. perfume c. nickel d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? a. Don't take this test again b. I can't believe you read this whole thing c. No way D. Yes way Update: AND YES, ALL THESE QUESTIONS ACTUALLY HAVE ANSWERS. CHOOSE THE "best" ANSWER FOR EVERY QUESTION. 1 following 6 answers Report Abuse Answers Relevance chikka Best Answer: i haven't but im gonna do yours. 1. What is the first question? a. True 2. Which of the following is following a witch? c. Broomstick 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b 4. Which of the following is NOT true? b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? c. south is south 6. How many can you a. See? 7. What number are we in? d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken 10. What is the opposite of below? b. above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? c. c 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? 13. What color is the rainbow? c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? b. The egg 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? b. Tom Hanks 17. Choose the best answer c. both a and b are wrong 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The 19. Can you go faster? d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer b. False 22. Why? a. because 23. Almost Done? b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End 30. What is an apple? d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True 35. Answer this question? d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? b. rabbit 37. What comes after A? d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar 39. Who is? b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True 41. What is the answer for number 41? d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? c. Nobody knows 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? b. I can't believe you read this whole thing 51. How many camels does a hump have? a. 2 camels b. 2 humps c. 1 camel d. 1 hump 52. Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? a. Yes, trees can jump b. No, rabbits only hop c. trees don’t jump d. rabbits don’t care 53. Why did the turtle run? a. It was speeding b. It was racing the rabbit c. to get to the other chicken d. turtles can’t run 54. Who invented inventing? a. inventions b. Thomas Edison c. submarine d. Thomas Edison’s submarine 55. Can a man kill a shark with one hand? a. Needs two hands b. All of the above c. No such thing as a man with one shark d. No such thing as a shark with one man 56. Don’t judge a book by its cover. a. rabbits b. polka dots c. camel d. you have no choice 57. How long did you run if you ran a mile? a. 45 miles b. 45 minutes c. 45 mph d. 45 men 58. Open your book to chapter 4. a. True b. False 59. If it’s 9 O’clock in Japan, what time is it in August? a. 6 O’clock b. December c. China d. You have no choice 60. Here’s a tricky question. a. True b. False c. There is no question mark d. All of the above 61. Why is 6 scared of 7? a. 6 + 7 = 8 b. 786 c. eleventeen d. 7-11 62. Is your refrigerator running? a. running for president b. running for mayor c. refrigerators only walk d. you better go catch it 63. What is what? a. which is which b. it’s a noun c. it’s a question d. none of the below 64. What kind of noise does a giraffe make? a. bark bark b. oink oink c. giraffe giraffe d. meow mix 65. Give an example of a car? a. 2 wheels b. drive c. shift key d. not enough selections 66. How ya doin’? a. fine, how are you b. good, thanks c. false d. true 67. What’s red and white and blue all over? a. a flag that blew up b. yellow c. black d. orange is not a fruit 68. ? a. The gardener b The butler c. The waiter d. both b and c are inside 69. What is a U-turn? a. follow directions b. wrong spelling c. signal d. error BONUS: 0. Can you sing a song about a song that sings about singing songs? a. None of the above b. True and False c. Okay d. only songs about songs that talks about singing songs 1. What is your name? a. who wants to know b. none of your business c. none of the above d. two syllables and words in English 2. The correct answer is a? a. wrong b. correct c. melon d. sausage 3. What is the difference between up and down? a. up b. down c. left d. right e. same difference f. different similarities 4. If he and she do the work, can they make it work for him, her, or them? a. Them b. Her c. Him d. Final Answer 5. Can you drink the drink? a. water the water b. plant the plant c. smell the smell d. armpit the armpit

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What's big and purple? Barney

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But iI'm on bath salts and your face looks tasty!

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

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Person 1: What do you get when you cross a cow and your mom? Person 2: What? Person 1: A cow that looks like your mom

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What is the difference between Jesus and jackAwhole lota fat

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A black man, a jew, a hispanic, and an asian are the only survivors of a plane crash, and end up on a deserted island, what do they do? Die.

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never bring a knife to a gun fight. bring a sword.

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A man walked into doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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Two parrots were sitting next to each other. One parrot said "hey" The other parrot replied "hey" therefore making the first parrot say "hey" which made the other parrot say "hey" again making the... this conversation, comprised of just one word lasted a very long time. aproximately 16749 hours.

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(402)217-6102 that is Jesse

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What's worst than a crying baby? A dead baby What's worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies What's worse than a pile of dead babies? If there's an alive one at the bottom What's worse that an alive baby in a pile of dead babies? If it has to eat its way out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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