Q: What's the difference between a mountain goat and a pitching wedge? A: A lot.

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what can keep u alive for many years- -not being shot

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24

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What has nine arms and sucks? Four children with two arms snacking on a lollipop, and one child with one arm snacking on a lollipop.

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Who enjoys hearty wank sessions with friends and long walks on the beach? David Cameron.

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I'm banging your sister.

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the economy.

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Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

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color blind person solves a rubix cube just kidding thier color blind

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when u cant say fuck say firetruck because it starts with f and it ends with uck ?firetruck?

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What did the republican say to the democrat? You suck!

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What is rectangular, white and has two wheels? A limo getting its wheels replaced.

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What did the smiley face say to the other smiley face? Nothing. They just smiled.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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the redsox

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What's worse than listening to Justin Beiber? Getting hit by a train.

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What did the collage professor say to the plumber? Hi.

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what did barrack obama say to the jew osama bin ladins a bitch

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Who gave Max head georgia Hidi

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What's blue and has two windows ? The sky, i lied about the windows.

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What did the tuna say to the fan I LIKE YOUR STOOL AHAHHAHAHHAHAH

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Teachers be like "Hold on class, I am almost done with my lesson!" Students: " Aint nobody got time 4 dat!"

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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