A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What has one eye, three arms and one leg? A really weird person.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A man walks into a bar... ouch. He received a minor concussion from the impact of the cement wall, and a slight goose egg on his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did little Timmy do in the Library? Read

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse than being arrested? Being arrested twice

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is the difference between a pizza and a Black guy? A pizza can serve a family of four.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the gas man, I've come to read your meter, like we arranged.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So a cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. The bartender, realizing that cats cannot talk nor do they posses higher brain functions, realizes he must be dreaming.

thumb_up thumb_down +593

Why did the little girl stop licking her Popsicle? A psychopath cut off her tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

when Bonquisha and Letroy had a baby girl what did they name her? Courtney.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Steve buys 60 watermelons.. What does he have? A lot of watermelons.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

French people.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a man with a black head, a red body, white arms and yellow legs? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

An elephant walks in to a dry cleaners and asks the Chinese man behind the counter for the price of cleaning two shirts. The man replies, "$3.00."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=harry+styles+funny&hl=en&safe=active&biw=1024&bih=398&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=lc8_fNCatYHOqM:&imgrefurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/harry-being-typical-harry/&docid=86Gw8eNJ73tOYM&imgurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/harry-styles-300.jpg&w=300&h=400&ei=q4vHT9XwHYL48gSJoJzJDw&zoom=1

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you make Bill Gates poor? You take all of his money

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than this joke? Taking a dump on an airplane as it crashes in to the World Trade Center.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many Jews can you fit into a car? Depending on the size of the car, you should be able to safely fit somewhere between 2 and 8.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Fortunately, the bra was on display in a clothing store and was not actually being worn at the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Want to hear an orphan joke? Knock Knock Who's there? Not the parents

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q:Why was the black guy carrying a gun A:He's a cop

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops