A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears, realizing that his life as he knew it is over, and recognizing the horrible burden he is about to become on his family, both financially and emotionally.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If a tree falls on a woman, and there's no one around to hear it, what was a tree doing in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than stubbing your toe? Watching your house burn down and your family scream in pain as their flesh burns and you suffer from chronic depression.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than kicking your dog? Eating it.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is sad about four lawyers in a car driving of a cliff? The car fit six people.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did Marvin Gay's father say to him before he died? "hey come listen to this 45 real quick"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the Calculus teacher give an Asian student an F on a test? Because he got less than 60% of the answers correct.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a shed? A: Considering babies are incapable of rational thought it is unlikely they would understand how to employ the correct method to paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

*there was a tv sitting on the side of the road..* person 1: hey why doesn't that tv work? person 2: because it's broken?? person 1: no..because its not plugged in!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What did the bulbasoar say to the charmander? A: bulbasoarrr

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad at making jokes And your a jew

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I like to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's the worst thing about African poverty? The fact that there is no foreseeable solution to the problem of millions suffering.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you catch a baby with? A pitchfork

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the alligator travel through time? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference Justin Bieber and a Dic* the Dic*

thumb_up thumb_down -11

did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a white woman that had sex with a black guy? A rape victim.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops