A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Your mom is so cheap, that she eats her cereal with a fork to save milk

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knock knock whose there? you have AIDS

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Where can I apply for janitor school?

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When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

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Women's rights.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

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Godilla walks into a bar. There were no survivors.

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What do you tell a woman with two black guys? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partners and seek help.

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Q: How to fit 10 babies in a suitcase? A: By blender Q: How to get the babies out of the suitcase? A: Using a straw.

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A black man hailed a taxi cab. He got in, and the taxi drove him to his destination for an appropriate fee.

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Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

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What's bad about four black men in a car going over a cliff? It was my car.

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A blind guy was reading the newspaper, it said flying cars. I bet he did'nt see that coming!

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What's worse than nailing 10 babies to a wall? Ripping them off.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: No one knows because a chicken is incapable of communicating it's reason to humans.

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Get up Look in the mirror

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What happens if you're in the middle of counting towels? You finish counting your towels.

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Fiats

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Knock knock. This is a no soliciting residence, and I do not open my door for strangers.

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Where do cows get cultured? They don't, they get slaughtered first.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a dead moose, In my basement.

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Yo momma is so fat that she is in the guinness records

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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