what would abraham lincoln do if he were alive today? scream and try to open his coffin.

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Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled "HEY, KOOL-AID!"

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When life gives you lemons... wait that wont happen

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I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

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Did the owl ever reach the middle of the tootsie pop? Yes. Dreams do come true

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how do you wake up lady gaga? set her alarm for a reasonable hour

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Why did little Timmy get absolutely nothing for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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Haha, I get it..

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What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They all gone.

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what class did Jimmy get an A in? None, he is dyslexic

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Why did the child laugh at the anti-joke? Because it was funny

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Knock knock Who's there? Hi would you be interested in learning about Scientology? No

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Why did the maid clean the house? Because that's her job, ya moron.

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According to standard table etiquette what is rude when someone passes you the salt? Jamming a fork in their eye

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What's the color of a healthy kidney. I have no f***ing idea.

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A White, a Mexican, and a Chinese guy all take a boat to go exploring.

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What's the difference between a bunch of slaves and a porsche? A: i don't have porsche in my basement

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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Is a tomato a vegetable? Depends if it is comatose.

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Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

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Three men are walking, the first one walks into a bar. He has a couple of drinks because he is depressed. He drives home, drunk, and dies in a car accident. His wife finds out and hangs herself.

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Why does smokey bears wife never have kids? Because every time she gets hot smokey beats he with a shovel

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ASIAN- Look me in the eyes Normal human being- open them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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