How do you silence a barking dog? You rip out its vocal cords.

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Q: What did the vomiting man say to his friend? A: BLEEEAAARRRGGHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to his wife? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the waiter in the restaurant? A: BLAAAAAARGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Leonardo DiCaprio? A: BLEEEEAAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the convenience store clerk? A: BLAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to your mom? A: BLAAAARRRGGGHH!!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Barack Obama? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!! Q; What did the vomiting man say to the King of Saudi Arabia? A: BLAAAAAAAAAAAEEEAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the bartender? A: BLLLEEEEAAAARRGHHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the funeral home director? A: BLLLEEEAAAARRRGGGHHH!!

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? "because he had nobody to go with" No because it was dead.

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what did the dead cat say to the dead dog? Nothing, they're dead

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Why can't Osama bin Laden make anymore terrorist attacks? He's dead.

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Q: Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.

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What kind of fire alarm does a zebra not like? One that doesn't work

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How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? Ask politely.

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What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

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You're welcome. On to the next house.

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Whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? Ones fun to jump on, the others just a trampoline.

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What has four wheels and smells like an asshole? YOU.

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Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

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knock knock whose there? suck my a s s barf

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Q: Who won the fight of two black guys and a white guy? A: The black and white guy because two is better than one.

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It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's actually a bird. You can see its wings flapping.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? To whom.

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What's The Difference Between a Chicken and a Human. Well a Chicken Is A Chicken and a Human Is a Human.

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How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? (written in 1600 BCE - Westcar Papyrus) -You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is embarrassed but realises it has nothing to do with his dyslexia.

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What did the man say when he found a bar of soap in his mailbox? Why is there soap in my mailbox?

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How do u bring a dead person to life? U dont.

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Your mums so stupid. She bought an apple for 35p even though the shop across the road sells them for 34p

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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