.""-. |a a \ \ / | '-') ; _/ /_ .'/ ; '. / / |'. \ | | '._\ | | | | | \ \_ _.// jgs '._`""`_.' `""`

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How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

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Chuck Norris once punched a horse in the chin. Nearby people were disgusted at this act and immediately reported him for animal abuse. Today he is in prison

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How do you drown a blonde. Put a Scratch N Sniff at the bottom of a pool and tell her to sniff it.

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bill goes to the room.. why? to fing a broom riddle boz full of burtiouse.

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99% of teenagers would cry if they saw justin bieber on the top of a skyscraper, about to jump. However, there is 1% who would be sitting in a lawn chair at the bottom screaming, DO A BACKFLIP!!!

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What starts with P and ends in ORN? Porn.

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Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Well, he was dangerously fatigued from having weeped passionately the entire night in the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of 20 years and consequently finding out that his only daughter was in a tragic school bus accident.

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whats big and can vibrate after you turn it on? A washing machine.

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Sharks have teeth, I have teeth, Therefore i am a cat.

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Roses are green Violets are grey Tulips are a lighter grey I am colorblind.

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what happened when the chicken crossed the road? it got ran over by a car recently after it go killed it was eaten by a hobo and the hobo died from ring worm

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A neutron walks into a bar. The barman says, "for you, no charge." The neutron replies, "very funny asshole, you're just going to put it on my tab after I pass out."

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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Friends are like trampolines, I always wanted a trampoline

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there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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One morning a man was frustrated at the dining table. His wife ask "What's wrong?". He says "I can't fit this stupid puzzle pieces together." His wife asks "What's it a picture of?" The man says "A rooster" The wife says "Honey, put the cornflakes back in the cereal box." The man says "no".

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Q: what is man without a beard A:not a man

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Q. What happened first The Tree or The Apple. A. Johny Appleseed.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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Why did the man shoot himself? Because he already shot his wife.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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