How did the old man feel when he couldn't have sex? Viagravated

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What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

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roses are red, hills are green. i know you're ugly and i know I'm so mean.

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Have you seen the flock of birds? probably not because they hit a window and all died at impact.

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Roses are are red Violets are blue I just ate a crockpot!

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What do you call a dead man in a ditch? Phil.

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Wanna hear a funny joke? I can't think of one at the moment...

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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News of the day - David gives back 2 pounds to someone. The police, as he stole from a old nana to pay for a toothbrush

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What's the difference between a cow and a purple sweater? They're both purple Besides the cow

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken was locked in a cage and the nearest intersection is about a mile away.

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How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

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Why did the boy fail his final? His severe depression and progressive detachment from reality caused him to hang himself the night before

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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What sport was the man with one leg excelling in? Ass kicking.

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A polish guy Is sick of being made fun of for his ethnicity, so he decides that he is going to act Italian thinking that no one makes fun of Italians. He stays home for weeks to practice this and one day walks out, up to a store and says"eh, get me some lasagna and zucchini !" the man at the store asks if he's polish.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw a piece of food that looked yummy, and he wanted to eat it. Unfortunately, the chicken was run over by a car and died.

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Knock Knock. READ THE DAMN SIGN IT SAYS NO SOLICITORS!!! ... yeah.

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Teacher: "Kenny, what is the biggest mammal on land?" Kenny: "A stranded whale."

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Yo momma's so stupid... she scored poorly on on the SAT, failed to get into a good college, worked at a walmart and lived an otherwise mundane life.

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A giant meteor will hit the earth tomorrow.What do you do? Tell everyone I told you so.

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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What does Rubens Barrichelo does with his F1 championship trophies? He never got one.

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What do you say when your hot chocolate is to hot? This hot chocolate is too hot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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