Please don't tell anybody about me, or I will be hunted down, taken from my family, and be objected to a life of cruel exploitation.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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A boy wakes up in the morning and says i"'m feeling kind of fishy today," the boy's dad walks in and relpies "that's because you are a fish."

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Knock-Knock Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup-mustard.

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Two black guys jump off a cliff, who wins? The black guy.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

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why did Helen Keller cross the road? she didn't, she wasn't able to find it

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Loading....please wait.

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What's 9+10 20+1-1-1+2-1-1+1-2+1

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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why did the jew cross the road? the ss was chasing him and his family to kill him so he ran across the street to same his family, he got hit by a truck and his family was killed...

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Why was the black guy mad at the white guy? Duh, cause the black guy slapped the white guy.

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Whats white and sticky? Marshmellows

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What did the oak tree say to the pine tree? Nothing tress dont speak regardless of the kind.

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Two guys fight over a girl. The girl gets up from under them.

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What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? I don't know, dinosaurs have been extinct for 200 million years.

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Do cows get breast cancer or utter cancer?

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Why was the iPhone screen cracked? Because it was dropped on a rock.

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What's worse than seeing a real joke on this website? Having diarrhea.

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How do you make a priest cry? ... You kill his family

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how did the man die he didnt

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How do you make a person cross the road? Ask them nicely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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