guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the plane crash? The pilots had brain damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dying unloved.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than one bee? Two bees. Whats worse than two bees? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bees.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"Why can't you hear pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom?" "Because the pee is silent?" "No, because they are dead, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: We are both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My mother-in-law fell down a stairway. I turned to my wife and said “Call an ambulance!!”

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you make a clown sad? Throw a brick at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I AM SOFA KING WE TOD HEAD - AV

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the little girl say after her dad hit her? Nothing. She was a month old and died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down

Wumbo

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walks into a bar and says Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the man scream? He got his dick caught. In the zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

i know a guy called ryan he is a benny he has a combover

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why do some RVs have 2 doors? Because 11 would be too many.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

whats black and hangs from my tree a plum

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Bang Bang Get the hell out of the house, it's on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the dog say to its owner? well as you can see it is physically impossible for a dog to speak english or any other langueges such as french, spanish or chinese.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's Pi times the square root of a panda's earlobe? Panda's do not have earlobes... thus the answer is inexplicable.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's brown and sticky? The faeces of a glue stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops