How do you sleep? With a knife I just saved a lot of money by switching to Geico......with a knife I'm going to the restroom, with a knife. How do you do a back flip with no hands? With a knife. What is 2 plus 2? The answer is 4, with a knife. Would like you like to go see a movie with me...with a knife? Today, I'm going to show you how bake a strawberry chocolate cake...with knife. I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...with a knife. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side....with a knife. A man walks to a bar and orders a shot of vodka....with a knife. Omg, I just saw Miley Cyrus at the mall today....with a knife. In Soviet Russia, blah blah blah, with a knife. How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? 1, with a knife. I'll be back in time for dinner, I'm going to the gym and work on my abs....with a knife.

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OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

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If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

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What happened to Alice? She fell down a big hole and broke her neck.

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Your mama so stupid. She tried to climb over a glass wall to see the other side

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A Black man walks into a gay bar. He has a great time because he is perfectly content with his sexuality.

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okay so theres this guy.

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Why couldn't Suzie put on her boots? Because she got her legs amputated.

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I have a joke that involves a duck. Can you guess what it is? If not, then.......uh...........sorry.

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Who're you gonna' call when you're apartments being ravaged by ghosts? Your doctor, for you might have schizophrenia.

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Know what would be awkward, if a GPS told a gay guy to get straight.

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why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because chad makes babies cry.

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Knock knock. ... There was no reply because the resident was on holiday.

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Q:How do you turn off a Jewish Lamp? A: You press the Auschwitz.

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Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

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While driving at night, a man accidently runs down a young child. Devastated, he runs out of the car and begins to break down. He screams up at the sky "Why God? Why?". And God says nothing, because he's not real.

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Who's gay? Justin Beaver

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What did the black guy say to the other black guy? We are both black

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Poop

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what did the jew get for christmas? nothing jews dont celebrate christmas.

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In my country we don't swim, we drown.

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What did the gay man receive for christmas? AIDS

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Violets are red Roses are blue I scrrewed that up Now can i screw you?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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