What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? Literally an endless list of things.

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Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I'm a Schizophrenic And so am I

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Q:what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? A:get in the batmobile

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Oh, right

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What is funnier than the funniest thing in the world? Something funnier than the world!

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What happened when an FBI agent and a cop argued over control of a hostage situation? Several people including a respected community leader were killed.

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What did the pepperoni say to the pepper We are both tacos

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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What do you get when you take a bag of chips and divide it by 5? a Nike store worker's meal

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What do nappies and politicians have in common? Not a lot, although President Roosevelt suffered from incontinence due to polio as a child.

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What's the difference between the son of a prostitute and Luke Skywalker? Luke knew who his father was.

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knock knock whose there?? seth oh, come in

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? A dead baby in 10 trash cans.

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did the dog explode? because it didn't have a bum hole

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want to go home? yea

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How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

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What did the T-Rex say to the caveman? Nothing. Tyrannosaurus Rex was a prehistoric land animal that roamed the Earth roughly 65 million years before the appearance of man. Making such a conversation impossible.

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Why couldn't the pirate boy see the movie? He was blind.

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What are the similarities between aaron ash and a cow? they both have 7 stomachs.

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There is a secret society known as Grandma Elbow. What happened to the boy who tried to leave it? All of his limbs were ripped off and fed to a man eating shark by the name of Nigel Tommy Baker. It didn't hurt that much because the boy was forced into eating the waste products of a donkey before this happened. NEVER LEAVE GRANDMA ELBOw!

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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