What did the transvestite say to the fox? 'scuse me, you've got something on your shoe.

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A fish swims up your penis...

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whats funny? ebola and 911

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A seal walks into a club, It proceeds to maul customers and then makes its way back to the ocean where it lives.

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Why did the chicken lay an egg? Because she got knocked up.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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What is grey and cannot fly? A parking lot.

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What did the man with a colostomy bag say after his home was destroyed in a fire? At least all my shit’s in one place.

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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How do you kill zombie Jesus? You can't.

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Dwarf Shortage

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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What's brown and sticky? Syrup.

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so there was a frog a bear and a walrus... i forgot how the rest goes but they all die because of a nuclear holocaust

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Q: Why do black people hate country music? A: Because every time they hear "hoe down" they think someone has shot their sister.

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Why did the man die in a car crash? Answer: He was not fallowing the traffic laws and therefore risking the life of himself and others. This may have resulted from the possibility that he was under the influence of alcohol, he was under the influence of drugs, he was emotionally unstable from a bread up, he was emotionally unstable from because of an abusive family, he was emotionally unstable from losing his job, he had an abusive childhood, he was emotionally impaired, he was high from lack of oxygen, he wanted to wear a blindfold, he didn't like his car, liked to spin the steering wheel a lot, he thought the gas was the break, or he just didn't like traffic laws.

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What do you call cheese that is not yours? The fact that you do not own the cheese doesnt change its name

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Whats worse than 1 dead baby in a bag? Ten dead babies in one bag.

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What would Martin Luther King Jr. be today if he was white? Alive.

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What would happend if two nyan cats crashed into each other? It would be a great impact and we'd all be sad.

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Why are Asians yellow? Because that is their natural skin color

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

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A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

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Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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