Why did little susie fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock who's there? not susie

thumb_up thumb_down +38

No

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the black man get the grape soda? It was the only soda left.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

what did the chicken cross the road? because its a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? after approximately 10 seconds of looking back and forth left to right the chicken finally came to a realization that the road is clear and safe to cross.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you get a jew out of an empty pool? Give him a lader

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a black elephant? An elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did little Sally say to the clown after the party? 'For someone who specializes in entertaining children of a young age, I am slightly underwhelmed at the degree of humor my friends and I have derived from your jokes today.'

thumb_up thumb_down -39

what does rain do? think of how happy its life was!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

asdf

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

In that case you are probably a bit of an outcast as most girls of your beauty are, you know, you are that kind of girl that feels weird because when she got/gets on the buss EVERYONE stares at her, but nobody dares to say anything, right? And when you are hanging out for a drink or something guys stare at you, and go like "nah" which means "Nah she is too good to want me" and starts hitting on your friends instead. Oh and you also get a lot of rude comments from guys "auto disqualifying themselves" like using complements they know will backfire like "Hey wanna fuck sugart1ts? They do this so they can go home with their ego intact thinking "Hey I was tough enough to hit on her, but she turned out to be a bitch! So does any of this sound familiar?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

rape that shit

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's black and white, and red all over? Nothing, those two events are mutually exclusive of each other.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Three monkeys are sitting in a tree. Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? -He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo momma is so ugly, that she has no mirrors in her home to avoid the feeling of disgust and sadness she gets whenever she sees her reflexion

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy moves in to your neighborhood. The housing values plummet due to the current economic recession.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken crose the rode? Because there was a 10 foot scorpion chaseing it

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's sad about a guy jumping off a cliff? The cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops