What do you call a cow painted in red a cat ( PS : i lied about the cow + the paint ! )

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because all the mesicans that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My vagina is Red, Im on my period.

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Boy, its getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE WILL HERE US SCREAM."

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

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What did the blind football player say to his coach? I cant see

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A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

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What did the redneck say to the Muslim? Nothing, he is too blinded by racial hatred and ignorance after terrorist attacks on the U.S to speak with him despite having common interests, such as baseball.

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When Chuck Norris realized that there was a more superior being than himself. What did he say? Suck it Safka

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Why did the black man eat the fried chicken? He was hungry

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A man walked into a bar and it hurt.

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Ask me if im a tree! Are you a tree? No

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What do babies and caterpillars have in common? They're both dead. Except the caterpillar.

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Why did the man fall off his bike? He ran into a pile of dead babies.

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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Henry's mom packed Henry sweaters And lots of things besides sweaters Henry went to war He saw lots of gore Logically, he wouldn't need a sweater because he had to wear his uniform during the battle. Did i mention that Henry likes chocolate?

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how do you wake up lady gaga? poker face

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What did the bank teller say to Santa Claus? May I help you?

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What's an example of something quiet? Helen Keller.

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"The Civil War wasn't won in a day, it was won in a lifetime." -Marc Cruz

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What happened to the white girl who dropped her ice cream? She bought another one.

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What do you call a black man driving a police car? Officer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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