A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q: What comes after 8? A: 9

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What do Whitney Houston and Selena Gomez have in common? They are both dead. Exept for Selena Gomez..

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What's brown, dusty, and full of male? My asshole.

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How do racist jokes start? Generally with a racially insensitive stereotype.

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Q: What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Caner.

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Q: What do you call a person with no arms and no legs ??? A: Stumpy

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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2 gays monkeys walk into a bar.........

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hello

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What did the gay logger do to the tree with a hole in it? Cut it down.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were driving on a highway. The redhead asked the brunette, who had the map, which was the next exit. The blonde was better with maps so she took it and announced where to go. They made the exit and enjoyed a nice lunch.

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what did the turkey say on thanks giving? Nothing, he's dead, we ate him!

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Vagina-Boob

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how do you get a blonde one-handed woman out a tree? wave

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Why was the kindergarten teacher crying? a child had just choked to death

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Why did the policeman who's third wife just lost 20 pounds go to sleep? He was tired.

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bangers and mash?

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penis

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What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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STOP LOOKING AT MY JOKE

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why did the snow man die? Actually it is impossible because it was an inanimate object.

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What's the difference between a tomato and a rhinoceros? Neither of them can ride a bicycle.

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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