If I had a gun with only 2 bullets, and was in a room with Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and you; i would shot Hitler and Osama because they committed terrible crimes

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why is nick a dumb ass? because hes not a smart ass

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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Whats fuzzy and pink? A pink fuzz ball

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A chicken walks into McDonalds. He never comes out because he got grilled, greased, and seasoned.

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What did the goat say to the other goat? They are poorly evolved animals and incable of speaking.

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Your mom is over the average weight for a person of here height and age.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Food and blankets from a nearby shelter.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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- Hi, my name is Sarah Lennon. - Wow! Are you related to Sarah Palin?!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Lemons are yellow

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what does rhinoceros and tomato have in common? Neither one can ride a bicycle.

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The teacher asked her class "What is 42 + 17?" Several hands were flung into the air. "71!" said Billy excitedly. "No, I'm sorry that is incorrect." said the teacher. "67!" shouted Carl at the top of his lungs. "Incorrect!" said the teacher. Then little Johnny raised his hand. "The answer is 69" he said full of intellectual delight. "Very good." said the teacher.

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Yeah? You like that? Its like art for some.

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Why... ...did the chicken cross the road?

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Q: Whats the longest book in the library A: Understanding Women

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Reed is poopin

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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Q: what's the difference between a young, geeky kid living in Wisconsin's basketball and Yao Ming's basketball? A: young, geeky kids cannot live in Wisconsin's basketball. Wisconsin is a state, and states cannot own objects because they aren't sentient beings. And Yao Ming's basketball... is just a regular basketball that happens to be owned by Yao Ming.

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Why do black people log onto blackpeoplemeet.com? To meet black people.

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Yo momma is so fat that she is at a high risk for heart disease and diabetes!

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What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

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Why couldn't the blonde get pregnant? Because she was dead, and her reproductive organs had stopped functioning.

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What do you put in a toaster? Toast, oh wait, it's bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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