why did jimmy fall off the swing? because he was a tree.

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Guy: do u wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nah its to long Girl: Do u wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Actually that would make me very self concious I have ghonorrea and would appreciate not having to tell one.

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Where did Susie go during the bombings? Susie was wandering around the streets as she felt like she didn't know where she was any more. Everything was burnt to ashes. She came across a man who she has never met. He tells her to follow him. She did.Later, Susie, the mysterious man and a few other people with him were in a private meeting room. The mysterious man tells Susie that he was a Frenchman and he was with the resistance. A few minutes later, the bombs were dropping everywhere. The meeting room was destroyed and Susie, the Frenchman and his men were under attack. The French resistance were about to fight, but retreated - for they were French. Susie was left, lying there as she saw a bomb in the sky about to land on her. She tried to get up and run, but the bomb was too fast. It got her. So yeah. Susie went everywhere, like you lot said.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

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Why did the 18 year old girl take her clothes off? To take a shower

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What's brown and has four wheels? Wood, I lied about the wheels.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? because they know how to run shoot and steal

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What has 4 eyes but can't see? A blind man wearing glasses.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

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Have you ever noticed how those little packets of sweetner are really handy to have around when you like your coffee to be sweeter than its default bitterness?

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Q.why did the car crash? A.becaus eit was drivin by a sack of potatos.

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Why did the little boy commit suicide? Because his dad molested him.

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what did your mum say when she ran into chuck norris? hello chuck norris

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. This task does not require over 1 person to complete.

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How do you stop a train? Throw a fridge at it.

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Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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An eagle and a mouse sat on a tree branch, watching a farmer walk to the pasture to milk his cows. The eagle then turned to the mouse but said nothing, because eagles cannot speak. The eagle then ate the mouse because it was a bird of prey.

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What do you call a man who stole from a thief? A thief, no matter whom you are stealing from the consequences are dire.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died from chlamydia.

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Q:what has 6 legs and rides a unicycle! A: nothing!!! Duh!

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Three penguins sitting in a tub. The first penguin says to the third penguin, "Hey would you pass the soap?" The penguin in the middle says, "What do you think I am a typewriter?"

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I'm a white rapper I do it all the time Folks don't like me cuz my words don't match

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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