Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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why did the chicken cross the road? cause kade touches himself at night

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Barack Obama

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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Roses are black Violets are black I would love to see A knife in ur back

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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why did the white man read the New York Times? because HuffPo is horrible. I mean, it's so so so shitty. it's like a wannabe buzzfeed, which ought to say it all.

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why shouldn't hellen keller drive? because she's a woman

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What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side... But he got hit by a car instead, Life is full of disappointments

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face. The horse, unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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A straight black man walks into a gay bar.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings him the beer, and the man drinks it. Then the man dies in a car crash while driving back to his family

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They are obviously different species but they both have wings and are birds and are actually pretty similar. Geese are usually bigger though I guess.

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What do you get when 100 sex-crazed gays are in the same room? About a quart.

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What do the Wizard of Oz, Popeye and my sweaty, fat asshole all have in common? The letter O.

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In an alternate universe, Jake Sulley's brother did not die. The human race proceeded to strip-mine Pandora of all its mineral wealth, and slaughtered the entire indigenous population.

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knoc knock! who's there? poo on! poo on who? you!

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weston cage

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your mom

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What's worse than breaking a leg? Breaking two legs.

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What's the worste part about alzheimer's disease? You forgot you have AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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