How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

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Q:How do you know if you have a big enough oven? A: If the jew fits

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Why didn't Angie die when she jumped off the Empire State Building? She landed on a pancake

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Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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Doctor, I am afraid of doctors, I dont even dare seek them up. Janitor: Thats quite apparent... Dr.Moral:

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Student: May i go to the toilet? Teacher: What for? Student: To open the chamber of secrets!

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In space, no one can hear you scream. Which means Xenomorphs are deaf.

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A stripper walks into a bar, she proceeds to cry because she's an alcoholic and a stripper. Meanwhile, her 3 children sit at home hungry. She then goes home, and grabs her gun and shoots her children, then shoots herself. Bucket.

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Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? Because the economy is shitty and none of the higher ups are willing to take a pay cut and they’re still paying themselves massive bonuses, the result of which are layoffs across all departments.

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Whats worse than one pregnancy scare... whats worst than two pregnancy scares? being forced to having consensual sex with a grizzly bear.

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Are you from Jamaica? 'Cause you're making me crazy! Are you from Haiti? I'm really sorry about all the disaster that's been happening there.

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whats worse than being out in the cold? Being on the sun.

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Did you hear about the Blonde who jumped off a bridge? She died.

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A blind man cant see this joke, so I probably shouldnt write it..

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was just a young boy living in a quaint suburbial town, his family, 1 2 3 4 and 5 were all killed by 7. 7 then burned down their house while 6 ran away from the blazing inferno he used to call home. 6 was forced to live off the land in order to survive. 6 built a house using only mud and sticks and a little elbow grease. When 7 heard the news that 6 was still alive and well in the forest, 7 went into the woods, tracked down 6's home and again burned it down. When 6 came back from a day of fishing and a handfull of fish, he saw that his house was burned down. The fish then escaped from his hands, and flew away. 7 had left a note on the ground that said 7. 6 then recalled the first time 7 had killed his family and burned down house. 7 had now burned down two of 6's houses. That is why 6 is afraid of 7.

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What's funnier than a rock. A funny rock.

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

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What did Lance Armstrong say to his critics? I have one testical

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Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

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What did Frieza say to Vegeta after killing his parents? "I killed your parents."

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What do a chicken and a grape have in comon? - They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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What's brown and Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

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What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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