A black man walks into a Subway restaurant, and goes up to the counter. The cashier already knows that he's going to order the chicken, but how does he know? Because the black man is a regular, and orders the same thing every time.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

thumb_up thumb_down -25

mitchell likes balls in his mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's tastier than a dead baby? An orphaned dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

V I T A M I N C !

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Scene:restraunt Me:can I have a coke please? Waiter:sorry we don't have any, is Pepsi ok? Me:is monopoly money ok?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Please save our environment :) Dont use electricity. Use gas! Like Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What’s big, grey, has wrinkly skin, and a trunk? An elephant. Oh, you’ve heard this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what time does the japanese guy go to the dentist? well his appointment was for 11:30, so he might show up approximately 5 minutes prior to the appointment time, just to make sure everything goes steadily as planned

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whats white and goes up? a confused snowflake

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's blue and says "Good morning" A blue sign that says good morning

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit it in the face with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why did the chicken cross the road? he was an escaped mental paitent

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So a man walks into a bar, And because he is dressed in such a way that was thought of as threatening to the general safety of the highly valued customers, he is shot eight times in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than breastfeeding a wolverine? Force-breastfeeding a wolverine.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"Knock Knock" "Who's There" "It's Dallas" "Dallas Who" James and Dallas's relashonship quickly deteriorated as Dallas realized he and James been best friends for 2 years and James doesn't even know his name.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did Rebecca black get down on Fridays? because she had school every other day of the week.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Mark Twain, Jesus, and Bill Gates are sitting at a bar. Someone messed with the space time continuum again.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

my shift key is broken1

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Got Milk? Why yes! Yes I do!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why did the water in the lake disappear? There was a toilet at the bottom.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How tall is the grass in Germany? ZIS HIGH! *put hand about an inch and half off the ground* I mow it about every ozher week

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops