Spread the net.

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My dog poops u pick it up if i poop ill say f@#% you eat it DumbS%^&

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Whats worse then the quote "Do it, hit her!" The quote "Do it, Hitler!"

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Why did Harriet Tubman have to take the underground railroad? Because she was a fugly slut.

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Hats better than a stick? A stone

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How do you feed 1000 people? Cook 1000 meals .

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This is the same thing you told me once, believe me, it helps holding into it.

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Q:what do you do when a black guy is drowning A:you dont

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

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Bob and his family were looking forward to going to an all inclusive holiday to Spain. When they got on the plane, a bomb went off, causing Bob to realise that he was never going to see his family again, and that they were about to suffer a horrific, painful death.

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What's green, three feet tall, and can live forever? Definitely not Julie Andrews.

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Why was the boy crying. He just got raped by a llama

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The easter bunny should be a platypus. Bunnies do not lay eggs. Platypuses do, however, and are the only mammals that lay eggs.

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I like the color potato.

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What is the difference between your mom and a cow? One is a 1,500 pound beast, and one is a human being.

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What did the mother of the boy with cancer say on his birthday? - Happy Birthday, too bad you still have cancer.

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what do you call a unicorn crossing a bridge? nothing there fake

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your know what grinds my gears? when I throw my car into park while going 90 on the highway.

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Touche.try eating something, I eat low carb crap when I am too sleepy, and today I guess it works.

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A baby boy and a baby girl are much alike they both taste good

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what did the crocodile say to the fish? OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!! and then the fish swam away because of the the weird noise the crock was making...

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Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar And doesn't

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What do you call someone who kills black people? A hero.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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