Whats the difference between a walnut and a baby ? Ones fun to hit with a hammer and the other is a walnut

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Roses are red, I want a gravestone, nobody loves me, forever alone

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Hey, do you want to play the rape game ? NO! That's the spirit

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What did the chicken do before it crossed the road? Looked both ways and then crossed with caution while looking out for oncoming vehicles.

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Ok, for Christ’s sake, these sh!tty “animals falling out of a tree” jokes are NOT funny; they were never funny and they’re certainly not getting any funnier with you rehashing them every 5 posts. Fncking stop it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He is seriously pissed off about being repeatedly subjected to this level of intense interrogation. Do you ask other animals why they chase their tails or claw at dirt? Do people ask you why you run when you're late? How would you like to have every move you made transformed into some cliche, old farce? There's a road, he's a chicken, there are only so many possible outcomes.

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6

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The black man leaves the strip club.

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if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

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Whats the difference between a house and a mouse If you think about it , quite a lot really

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Why did Jimmy cross the road? Because a chicken was about to cross the road, and he wanted to be kind and help the old 72-aged chicken get across the road. Because Jimmy had a grandfather that passed away because he was too old and nobody helped him cross the road. Jimmy is haunted by that memory and doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. Especially a chicken.... Also there were no cars and his best friend chicken was on the other side waiting for him.

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why did the lady fall out the window? someone threw axe at her

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Why does Justin Beiber look like a girl? Because he achieved international fame and fortune at a prepubescent age, and has made more money before he turned 18 than most people will in their entire lives.

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There once was a man named Steve. One day, Steve stumbled stupidly, shredding his shirt, shoes and shorts and subsequently shocking Susie; a small shy salsa student. When he arrived home, Steve's wife asked "how was your day dear?" Steve panicked at the thought of having to explain this traumatic event, but thankfully he had undergone speech therapy for his lisp.

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A man walks in to a bar, remembering he was actually going to the hardware store, he heads out and leave.

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A thief stole a calendar. Later, feeling guilty, he returned it to its owner, admitted his misconduct, and went to a local minimart to purchase his own.

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Q:How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could would A: 26

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Q: What did the boy say to his mum when he saw a Lion A: Hey mum that's a Lion

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He was buried under 6ft of solid earth.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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A man walks into a bar, and says "ow."

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What has a pie and my hand got in common? It's got meringue on it.

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What do you call a horse with wings and a horn on his head? Drunk

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knock knock Who's there? Someone who wants to save you from the shitty dinner your lazy wife made.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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