Roses are red, Violets are red, Shrubs are red, Trees are red, Holy shit my garden's on fire!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What do you call a car with no wheels or engine? Immobile

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats red and and smells like blue paint red paint

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a blonde on anti-joke? Fairly paranoid because of the typical blonde stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

An Asian gets into her car to drive to her grandmother's house. She arrives at 6:30 and has a wonderful dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

a car drives off a cliff whos driving? an asin woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a seedless pumpkin? A pumpkin.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did George Washington tell his men before they got on their horses? Men get on your horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby? You take your boots of before jumping on the trampoline!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did bob order at pizza hut? Pizza

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's blue, wriggles around, and sits in a corner? A dying baby in a plastic bag. What's green, doesn't wriggle around, and sits in a corner? A Christmas tree. The current homeowners were never made aware of the atrocity committed by the previous occupants.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red My name is Dave This makes no sense MICROWAVE

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy: guess what girl: what Guy: nevermind girl: no what Guy: i love you girl:.. i love myself too..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A train poops its pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo momma's so fat, that she got baptised in Sea World.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar and order two beers

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What is the worst joke ever? This one.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A dog walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "What can I get for you?" The dog replies "1 beer please." shocked at the dogs English the bartender sprints out of the bar in terror

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened to the man who jumped into a puddle? He contracted hypothermia due to the low temperatures of the water. He died the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So I'm at the office and I tell this guy, "Hey can you pass me the stapler. But when you pass it over, make sure there are staples in it 'cause if not, I can't staple anything."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

thumb_up thumb_down

A Mexican walks into a bar. He walked out with a concussion. -ilikecrepes97

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops