what do you call a man who is addicted to alcohol... an alcoholic

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What do Helen Keller and Beethoven have in common? They both died wondering what the hell their last words were.

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How many illegal immigrants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Illegal immigrants don't use lights, they'd get caught. Dumbass.

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You want to hear a joke. Sure. A black president. Oh wait...

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Why did the black guy hate the white guy??? Because the white guy enslaved his ancestors.

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24

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"Do you live in the United States?", said the man. "no." said the other man, "cool beans", said the woman.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? HIV

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knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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What is black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Not black berries because black berries come from a bush.

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What did one chimney say to the other chimney. Nothing, chimneys dont talk.

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The guy above me has a very nice joke

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Chrismas? Cancer. What did he get for his birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long

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Friends are like trees. If you hit them with an axe enough times, they'll fall over.

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So there was a guy in the middle of the street, how did he survive? ...He doesnt because he gets hit by a car becuase hes in the middle of the street...

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, how many does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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What did Gene give Carla for Christmas? AIDS

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What does a person that is fasting get for Christmas? Food.

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one time there was a fukc then it taked a shat potated pancocks cancer is fuCk 18 why did the cock cross the choad? fUcK

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what's worse than finding 8 dead babies in 1 trash can?....... 1 dead baby in 8 trash cans.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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What do birds need when they are sick? Most wild animals die when they are sick. However, they can sometimes be nursed back to health with special food and electrolyte solutions in special animal rehabilitation centres.

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My dad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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