Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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Why did my car stop suddenly? I had arrived at my appropriate destination.

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What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

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Knock knock Who's there? Your friend Jim Oh hello Jim, please come in it is very nice to see you this fine evening.

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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Why couldn't Jenny speak right? Cause she had autism.

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The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

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What do you call a monkey holding a hand grenade? It depends on what its name is.

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Three blondes walk into a bar...and have a nice evening, until one of them pulls out a gun and murders everyone at the bar, i think she was schizophrenic or something.

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead.

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What do you call a man covered in magnets? Attractive

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a fox stapled to his face.

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Why did Jim get hit by a train? Because he was standing in the tracks.

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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What happens when an alien touches fire? It gets burnt

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A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.

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DON'T TOUCH MY DUCK, IT HAS A ONE DOLLAR BILL

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In Soviet Russia, there are communists.

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What did peter griffin say to the black guy? Oh you are black.

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How do you make a fat man cry? You call him fat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He looked both ways and saw there was no traffic.

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How many baby's does it to paint a wall red? It depends how many you throw.

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Why do jews get their foreskin cut off? Because they're jewish.

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What was the black guy doing in Mississippi? Just hanging around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops