Roses are red Violets are twisted bend over now your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +6,294

What do you call a spider with no legs? A spider.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

ahhh finally removed the splinter I've had for quite some time now. Hopefully that was the last one I'll get for a while...touch wood

thumb_up thumb_down -10

So a cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. The bartender, realizing that cats cannot talk nor do they posses higher brain functions, realizes he must be dreaming.

thumb_up thumb_down +596

What do get when you cross a lion and tiger? A liger. This hybrid mammal, only observed in captivity, is the largest of all known felines and is thought to be sterile.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains! That's the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +2,454

-Ask me if I'm a tree. +Are you a tree? -Yes. -Ask me if I'm an orange. +Are you an orange? -No, I'm a tree, were you listening me?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the blonde say to the chicken? mmm, delicious

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? You wouldn't be able to count them if it were dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't tell any funny jokes? He went to Anti Joke and posted 1000's.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Girls Lacrosse.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How did Hitler fit 100 Jews in his car? Ashes don't take up much space.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why dont we just make fun of both? *mexican music plays*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than getting raped by a monkey The fact that you actually got raped by a monkey

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why are Germans good at soccer The Holocost

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

when i walk in the living room this is what i see... Luci's big eyes are stairing at me! (Luci is a dog) (Pita is a cat) I start a hissing and a scratchin and i ain't affrid to bite her, bite her, bite her, I"M PITA AND I KNOW IT!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +46

-funny? women have rights -funnier? civil rights

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Dam. Mothers Against Dyslexia.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Lizzy doesnt shave or shower. She just went to the bathroom in the middle of the school hallway

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops