A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A: We're eating you for breakfast today. B: Thank you, I'll have my arm.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does society have in common with laundry? They both get ruined when you mix colors with whites.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's the similarity between a plum and an elephant? Both are purple, except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you do when you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Take him out of the bath, make sure there is nothing they can hurt themselves on, put something soft under their head and loosen their clothing if it’s constricting their breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +218

A man walks into a bar. The other two ducked, and then immediately called an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

How many seeds does a watermelon have? None. It is seedless.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

slaughter the mussies #EDL

thumb_up thumb_down -8

So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

GUYS LISTEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT THIS TO BE THE MOST DISLIKED JOKE EVER !!!!!!!! PLEASE :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -936

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas Mittens

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did a man say to the woman with two black eyes? nothing he ain't already told her twice....

thumb_up thumb_down -86

What's black, dangerous and sits in a tree ? A crow, with a machine gun !

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he didn't have any arms or legs. Why didn't he have any arms or legs? Because Jimmy was a Potato.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's chris benoit doing? Just hangin in the gym

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock! Who's there? Penis... Okay...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

That awkward moment when your brother goes to crack his neck, but he dies instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- I have cancer. - SUCK IT UP!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do u call a hobo name Max Max

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't the black guy get paid for doing work hard at labor? it was the year of 1860!!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops