How do you make a plumer cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What does a Dominican and a Russian have in common... they are both thinking of a funny anti-joke to post on this site...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you get when you put a woman in a room with 4 guys? She gets Gang Banged.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red, Sometimes they're thorny, When I'm around you, I get kind of Horny

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You see how lame this is?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: How do you cure cancer? A: By die aids first

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Depends how you look at it, I like some girl, she and that girl gets along, I get along with the two girls, and yeah, I make them fight to the death as I consume the weakest one and make the new one my wife of darkness! Well, actually, threesomes, but NEVAH, NEVAR!! *shakes fist towards the skies* with another man! Now if my waifu wants to have some fun with a girl, I say why not (and then she asks if I want to join always so far), its genetics, you know, each caveman had like 600 wivus and he did not have time to bang them all, now let those genes go trough MAN for a couple of millenia, and he becomes the KING OF DEMONS... ME! Those other scumbags are a whole other story. Oh, and the 600 wivus did either go without sexytime, or you know... I mean you do KNOW that women are like comfortable naked together and yeah...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A horse walks into a bar gets shot then carried away in a helicopter

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats the differnce between a corvette and a pile of dead babies??? i dont have a corvette in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the doctor say to his patient? You were supposed to die 12 seconds ago....

thumb_up thumb_down -21

How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't go to you anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than the Holocaust? Getting raped..

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is pink, smelly, and sometimes gets wet? A pink sponge.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A turkey and a ham walk into a room. The ham says to the turkey "You're a turkey." The turkey in response says, "Yeah, well you're a ham!" They both then get their heads chopped off, as the room they were in was a slaughterhouse.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

69

thumb_up thumb_down -18

nice tits.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats worse than having no life? having no life and reading internet jokes all day!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Eliz, Neo-Nero, its me Clint, had to fake my death for some years in order to get back to the order. Neo, I know Nero picked you as his successor, but honestly, I was his first choice, and I know you well enough to understand that things are getting out of hand over there. I will be there in 2 minutes Liz and you and I can meet up Neo, seriously what are you doing over there? Unless there is a problem do not bother answering, allow me to take charge of operations at least until tou calm down Neo, and unless you got problems with my absent authority I suggest you stop torturing people at once, and seriously if you cannot control your own people, you better let me back in charge. It is time to turn some things around guys, believe it or not but I found where the Spetz came from and I got em all, as for the Nazi scum they where just hired thugs and as far as my Intel goes most of those where taken down by Nero. Clint Lawman. Moral: "WTF? THESE ARE NOT EVEN MORALS! NO THESE ARE THE CODES WE USED TO AUTHENTICATE THE SOURCE AND SENDER OMG! ORLY? SRLSLY? LOL OMG!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Ps: Its "Cain" again, just for matters of security here, how did he install power wires under the basement? How are you even able to use your computer over there?

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops