can the real slim shady please stand up? no. there is a slim shady in all of us, so we will all stand up.

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So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

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whats worse than a paper cut? 2012

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Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

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What is spiky and opens up wide? The Mouth…what were you thinking you perv?

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A black guy walks into a bar orders his drink and could not do it in a more civilized way

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like peanut butter Can you fly?

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Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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Grapefruit.

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What? I didn't say anything. Yes you did.

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whats funnier than a black person dieing nothing that is so cruel

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having your entire family killed in a car accident

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What is the difference between a car accident and being on your period? A period is less bloody.

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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your mommas so fat she has been advised to diet and excercise or run the risk of terminal illness

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how many dead babys can fit in a bathtub 17

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why didnt the chicken cross the road? he did cross the road

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You know you're a redneck when you come from a rural area and behave as such.

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I HATE GEORGE LOPEZ

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Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? The Light was red.

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"Welcome to Mcdonalds, Would you like to try our new Chicken BigMac today?" "No"

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A duck walk into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender hands him a glass and the duck drinks it. After finishing his drink he ruminates about how drowning his misery with booze won't solve a thing in his life. He decided he'll call his ex-wife and apologize and goes back home.

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Why do fat people make such good slaves? They're too fat and lazy to escape. Unfortunately, if you want your slave to be fat, you actually have to feed it properly.

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What did the mother say when her sons asked for a can of pop? No you have diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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