How do you make a baby stop screaming? Pour acid down its throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -167

just imagine like a whole mark no imagine like 1000 marks an army of marks ready to conquer

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are brown, violets are brown, someone keeps shitting in my garden

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How many dead babies can you fit inside Casey Anthony's trunk? Trick question. She didn't do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I scream. You scream. We all scream and huddle in a corner of our first grade classroom because of a masked gunman.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the man say when he saw a alien? "Look its a Alien"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-Knock, knock! -Who is it? -Me

thumb_up thumb_down +22

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the man cross the street? He just wanted to .. i don't see why not, i mean he could have gotten ran over by a train on a road but who knows he could have been run over by a turtle!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the blind kid that couldn't talk get for Christmas Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the Black man say when he just got home from work? "Hi honey, I just got home from work."

thumb_up thumb_down +88

I got pissed off at my little brother... So I threw him out of the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How long does it take to microwave a baby? I don't know, I was to busy masterbating. GBW

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because it is very difficult for someone with a vision impairment to operate a vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's worse than getting stabbed Getting stabbed two times

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is worse then losing your remote? Falling off a cliff landing on a sharp rock and dying slowly.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops