34

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What do you get when a man farts then a giraffe digests the gas and then poops into the mouth of a rabid baby raccoon? A raisin coated in corn flakes with digestive fluid sauce.

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You shouldn't have expectations. They make ex out of pect and tations.

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What happened to the woman driver who drove to Tesco? Due to the pleasant traffic conditions, she arrived slightly earlier than expected and she finished her weekly shop in forty minutes. She returned home, once again in good traffic and ate a delicious lunch of sausages and chips.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. At least that's what I've heard, I'm blind.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because 9 was black.

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two paraplegics walk into a bar. oh wait...

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Whats skinny, round, tall, smells like a dead baby, hard, small, and fat? nothing

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The Dane, the Norwegian and the Chinese where on a plane, and as the plane was malfunctioning, the pilot would shout: "We are overloaded! Toss out everything you can spare!" The Dane tossed out a box of Danish Salami, explaining they had enough of those in his country. The Norwegian tossed out a package of sweaters, explaining that they had enough of those in his country. Suddenly the Chinese jumped out without a given explanation, as time passed though, the surviving crew arrived to some conclusions... Moral: R.I.P Kim the 294834839483948th

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Why did the black man offer the girl flowers? It was his niece's birthday.

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Why doesn't Andy wanna bend over to puck something up? That's how he got assraped!

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What do the Mexican man, the Asian man and the Jewish man all have in common? "man"

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How do you fit four elephants in a car ? Two in the front and two in the back

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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Nothing exceedingly odd happened at a bar

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old spice body spay is so powerfull it can block BO for 16 hours. its so powerfull it can turn of the sun, but then it gets to cold, so it makes another sun........DOUBLE SUN POWWWWWEEEERRRRRRR!!!

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Why did the white guy feel awkward at the black people convention? He didn't know anyone there

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What did the black guy, the latino guy, and the asian guy all have in common? Believe it or not, they all liked cantaloupe.

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What hurts more than a papercut? A chainsaw between your legs.

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Yo mama so fat.

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if dragonflies have purple toe nails, then how many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? canada, because snakes don't have armpits!

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Ching Chong Bing Bong.. Yoyao? Dat U?

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Why did the Muslim boy crash a plane into a building? Because the remote-controlled plane suddenly malfuctioned and crashed into a nearby apartment complex.

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What's the best thing about twenty six year olds? There are 20 of them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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