What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

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I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

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How are a black man and a banana similar? They are both intelligent human beings, except for the banana.

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Roses are red,violets are blue I've got aids & now so do you Merry Christmas

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Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a canary! Yes, you are.

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Q:John has 50 candy bars and he eats 45, what does john have? A: Diabetes

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What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

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knock knock who's there jehovas witness... ...I allow them into my house for a cup of tea and a chat as I respect their religion

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Q: Why did Sally not like her trip to Hawaii? A: A volcano erupted and killed her whole family.

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What would you call a guy with no arms or legs in the water ? Well you would probably call for help, because he would be drowning seeing as how he has no limbs.

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whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? being wrongly accussed of a crime you didnt commit because of your race, and being put on death row

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why did the kitten not eat its food? because its face was stapled to the floor.

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Get it repaired.

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Its December 21, 2012. You are still alive.

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What did the facial stylist charge Jack Sparrow to get his ears pierced? A buc-an-ear!

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the mean terrorist said "i am going to kill your mother" that mother is now dead

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Send creepy emails to this email address: matt.harrington@highlandcatholic.org

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How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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Women's Rights.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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Why did the boy fail his math test? Because his Mother threw a refrigerator at him.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so i can text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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