Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

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What would an ice hockey player do if the ice melted? Walk off, as the ice is only 3/4 of an inch thick.

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Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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Knock Knock Sorry, I'm in a full body cast and can't answer the door.

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women and girls can really get enjoyment out of sex. it's not really about controlling the man.

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Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved. Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris? A) They didn't go! Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window? A) Cause it was completely broken. Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange. <<< This is the ultimate tough anti-joke Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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Why did the armadillo fall off the cliff?

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what did one soldier say to the other... dude take your finger out my a** it has been that long

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Whats the difference between a sack of babies and a sandwich? A Sand which floats when you put it into a large body of water.

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How did bob survive the explosion? He wasn't at the explosion.

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Why did the drunk driver get into an accident? It was a woman.

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How do you get a single-armed monkey down from a tree? Wave.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi ? I'm gay.

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You know whats worse than finding a fly in your soup? 9/11

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Your Mother is so pretty that she does not need make-up.

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A plane crashed. The pilot was some sort of food, like a loaf of bread or a salad. Neither of which can fly a plane or do much of anything-- like get a plane to move in the first place, let alone take off.

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Your mama so stupid She has a 3rd grade education

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.

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Sometimes, people ask me, "Do you always have to be so obnoxious?" And to that I reply, "I don't always, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis." Stay thirsty, my friends.

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What's little and very sad? A 5-year old locked in a cage.

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Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

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Why did the surfer surf in the ocean without a surfboard? Either he was mentally challenged, simply dreaming, a fish, or most likely did not have a surfboard.

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What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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