Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

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What looks like a black book but is actually white? I don't know because it can't look like a black book if it's white.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a woman starring at him, she seems attractive... he walks up to her and realizes that sheis quite mediocre if not even ugly. He proceeds to say "You'll do"

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what do you call a sick eagle illegal

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Why couldn't little Jimmy see his mum in the crowd? Because he was blind.

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Do you play piano? No

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Lady is taking her Alzheimer grandpa to shop for his birthday. Parks, gets out and opens the door for him. He looks at her and asks? Who are you?

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Why wasn't Fred invited to he party? Because he's been dead for five years

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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How do you kill a clown? You smash his face into a brick.

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what do you call a bunch of crap at the bottom of the ocean? A shitwreck!

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Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

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What do you call a black person playing basketball? An athlete.

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What's the difference between a gay and a homo?...........WTF I DON'T KNOW!?!?!?!?

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An octopus walks into a bar. The people in the bar, realizing the potential of danger, stand up and leave the bar quietly.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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Want to hear an anti-joke? Yes. Well I'm not going to tell you one.

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Whats's the similarities between an apple and a cat? They both have legs except for the apple.

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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? An effect of an overcrowded theme park

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LeBron James: Kobe, i got a ring will you stop making fun of me? Kobe Bryant: Yes Kobe and Michael Jordan: LeBron asked if he gets a ring if we'll stop making fun of him LeBron James: Hey Kobe why didn't you answer when i called? Kobe Bryant: Sorry, I only heard it ring once

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Blonde Entrepeneurs

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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