What's the difference between a dead baby and a carpet? I don't sell carpets.

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Q. What's smarter then the smartest woman in the world? A. A retarded seal, or pretty much anything else.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake? Bob.

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Why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack? He has a debilitating disease. He is slowly losing touch with reality.

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What does the name Joe mean? Joe Mama! Egit

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What do you call an African-American, Latino, Asian, and Canadian all on the same football team? A reasonably diverse group of teammates who are most likely good acquaintances.

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What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

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penis

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What is the main contrast about different banks? None, they all take your money!

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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Do you like fishsticks? If so you are not a homosexual fish as fishsticks are a frozen food rather than fish genitalia.

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what has 50 legs, but can't walk? half of a centipede

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Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled? Because if they were small, white, and round they'd be called aspirin.

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What do you call a gay, black, Muslim physician? Doctor.

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There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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The cream, it is coming

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what did the boy get after his first communion? unwanted intercourse with his priest that resulted in scaring him for life, until the day he killed himself because he could never get over it.

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

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How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

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What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops