Why was the man thought to be peculiar? Because he had sex with a pistachio.

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what's worse than finding an worm in your apple? Finding HALF a worm in your apple.

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Women outside of the kitchen.

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Q: What is the differenc between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babys? A: I dont have a lamborghini my garage.

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Bob:Know who's really stupid? Rick:Who? Bob:Your mum.

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Womens rights.

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What is the name of the car? What

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old mcdonald had a farm had..... he now lives in the city

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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A man walks into a bar, he purchases a drink from the barman proceeds to finish the drink and then leaves.

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What did the bacon say to Sam's eggs? Why are you green?

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Show me your tits.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Yes...? No, you're still Patrick!

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I'm trying to find out how many people in the world have Alzheimers, do you? No. Bananas.

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Bill: ask me if i am three ducks in a man suit Jim: are you three ducks in a man suit? Bill: yes

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A jew is a person of the jewish faith and a pizza is delicious food.

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What is green and fuzzy and when it falls from a tree, your dead? A pool table.

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Your mama is so fat... Haha, that's a good joke.

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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Why couldn't the girl talk... she chocked to death -Alan Davis

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot them in the head with a revolver.

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How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? Four, one to take the light bulb out, one to put a new in, one to hold the ladder, and one to hold the guy holding the ladder

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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