- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What?

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock knock. Nobody answers because the homeowner was out of the house at the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two farmers are standing in a field. One says: "It's a bit cold today, don't you think?" The other doesn't reply, because he is trying to work out how to tell the first farmer that his son has just been killed in a road accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +793

What time is it? 20:45.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A white man, a black man, an Asian man, a Mexican man, a subasian man, an Austrailian man, and a Canadian white man. That's it.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did the white man say to the mexican man when the mexican stepped in poop? you have poop on your toe

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man takes a prostitute to a hotel room, right? The woman is a federal agent, assigned to investigate high prostitution levels in the area. The man is promptly arrested, and now a large fine and up to 90 days in a correctional facility.

thumb_up thumb_down +191

while having sex, the boy asked, "how many ears do elephants have?" his father answered, "two"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse becomes depressed. He didn't ask to look like this. He drinks himself into a stupor, and then crashes into another car on the highway on the way home, killing a family of five. The horse is now in jail for life.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I love Japan. It's the bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the boy depressed? A. because his whole family was slaughtered on the kitchen floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man walks up to his boss and asks "Do you want to hear a funny joke?". His boss replied,"Yes". Before the man could finish his joke, his boss had a heart attack and died instantly. The next day, when he's in his car with his wife, he asks "You want to hear a joke?", the wife replied "Sure,". before the man could finish his joke, a car hit them and the wife died but the man happened to survive. The next day, he sat on a bench mourning, his friend walked up to him and asked, "Why are you sad?". the man answered, "Every time I try and tell a joke someone dies!", his friend said, "That's not true, just tell me the joke." "Ok" "Two Pigeons walk into a-". Before he can finish his joke his friends is kidnapped and killed. Sadly, the man walks to a ledge, jumps off and commits suicide. The End

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A black man is setting up contingency measures of protection in his personal place of residence when all of a sudden, several warning alarms sound and a few specialized people with red "combating" devices who were alerted by the blatant scenerio unfolding before them were moving quickly in order to match previously stipulated criteria of value. The black man and his family were partaking in a monthly fire drill unfolding in their own house since they were extremely responsible, law-abiding citizens of the city they were located in that required various kinds ofl saftey precautions to be taken so to mitigate the serious chance that people might be hurt by preventable, residential distasters.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Mommy look, I built a sandcastle! - Who cares, you have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yanter, Look it up

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's sad about black people that drink grape soda and eat fried chicken? The stereotypes are true.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What does a Chinese girl get for Christmas? New parents...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the kid drop his toy? a dog was ripping out his throat

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the two girls fight? Because they were mad at eachother.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops