A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: Nothing, the mere thought of candles being able to possess the ability of speech is preposterous beyond any of the highest capabilities known to man.

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Hey, look under there! Under what?

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How do you lock out a Chinese Person? Lock the door

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What does a fish and a truck have in common? Nothing. One is a fish & one is a truck.

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Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights.

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What's got 2 thumbs and a massive penis? A body parts collector I know called Harold Fortescue

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A black man walks into a bar. A few minutes later a jewish man enters. Next door, a twelve year old girl is crying over the tragic death of her mother due to terminal cancer.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Where would Tupac be if he was white? Not the morgue

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

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Tunechi

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One day a woman wrote a letter to her husband whom was at war. He received it, read it, and was happy to know she was thinking of him.

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You are driving a bus. At the first stop, 12 people get on and 7 get off At the second stop, 13 people get on and 11 get off At the third stop, 7 people get off the bus. You turn the bus off get out and go home.

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Nock Nock It's open.

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what makes reed stop talking? LYRENS SHARPENED PENCIL

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Whats white and can't climb trees? A Fridge

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care what a chicken thinks?

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Sammi suck kyles chode

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Two people walk into Israel. The first is shot on the spot. The second screams "I only have two pennies in my pocket!" Immediately he is raped by five Jews.

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Why did Abraham Lincoln fall asleep at the movie? He was shot several times in the back of the head.

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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Womens rights !

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Whats tha difference between blacktop and an airplane wing??? Well, alot. I bet you knew that.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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