A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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Why did the Spice Girls stop performing? They mutually agreed to stop performing.

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What comes after 23? 24.

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Your Mom.

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What do you call a black mailman? By his name.

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What do you call a group of black men stampeding down a hill? Dangerous, so they should slow down!

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Roses are dead Violets are dead I'm a terrible gardener.

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Where was Susie when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

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What is worse than adolf hitler? Justin beiber

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Me: Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Me: So do I.

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If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Of course; if he was too short to climb onto the saddle then it would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous not to help him off. As his riding instructor, you would be liable for any injuries Jack sustained had he attempted to dismount the horse with no assistance.

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why did the girl cry while watching starwars? She was being raped

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How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

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What did the apple say to the pear? ...Nothing they can't talk...

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Three men walk into a bar, one ducks and two fall down. What happened? They walked into a metal bar, like a sideways flagpole!

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name one thing that is impossible!! A sober irishman

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they're both dead.

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purple pickles

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Yo mama's fat.

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What's gay, has ten eyes and is gay. One D. Kelvin Yang.

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Yo Mama just died.

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Q: What's worse than finding a shrimp platter on a babys hand. A: A baby's hand on a shrimp platter

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who, Your Doctor, you have 5 months to live

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How much do polar bears weigh? Between 800 and 1600 pounds

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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