- Anti Joke

A: Knock knock B: "NOOOO" A: Comes in, sees masturbating son

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died

What does a kangaroo and a zucchini have in common? Neither one can ride a bike.

What do you call a black man that cuts people up and takes their money? A surgeon.

oh whatever Greece isn't going to leave the eurozone shut up about it already

Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

In Soviet Russia, you have no rights!

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Traffic was too backed-up so the chicken took a different route.

What's a fat chinaman? A guy who somehow got obese on rice. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese.

What did the Brontosaurus say to the Triceratops? Nothing. Neither of them have ever existed.

Nah

A kid is stuck in a fire, his dad (a firefighter) comes and saves him. Sadly the kid needed surgery from the fire. He went to the hospital and when the doctor looked at him he said "I cannot operate on my own son." How can this be? His parents are gay...

What is pink and smells like green paint? Pink paint

Chuck Norris was once engaged by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

how do you make a baby cry? throw bricks at his face.

A joke were created last night and was so funny! But this is not the case

whats worse than sitting next to jack grindey nothing

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

A Dog walks into a bar to order a drink. The bar patrons are at first amused and overjoyed to share their night with a playful pet, until they see that his mouth is foaming and he's already started trying to eat the nearest child. Screams erupt as the bartender calls 911. The dog manages to injure two patrons before he is tazed by the police and taken to be put down. One of the men injured has to have his arm amputated, which is unfortunate for his new career as a heart surgeon. The hospital informs him that they have no choice but to force him to resign, after they hand him his lengthy medical bill. He ends up losing his apartment, and his fiance leaves him for someone more stable financially. The man then drinks himself to death, after attacking and killing a local dog with his one remaining hand. The dog belonged to a new family on the block, whose son had terminal cancer. Due to the cancer, the boy had trouble making friends in a new area, and the dog (Sonny) was his one source of companionship and, by extension, hope. The boy is later admitted to the hospital for breathing problems, and after a 4-hour surgery, is pronounced dead. His attending physician was quoted as saying "He was so close to beating back the infection, but all of a sudden it seemed like he just... gave up." I mean, how was a dog supposed to order a drink in the first place, am I right?

knock knock whos there? your mom really? well whats she wearing a refridgerator.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops