"Jim would you like to share what you've written?" says rehab counselor "Roses are red, Violets are blue, Heroin is bad, I see sound."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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Why was the girl sad? Because she was, you idiot!

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Why did the old man get the anti aging cream ? He failed 8th grade 50 times.

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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why did the clown cross the road? to kill everyone in the dark knight midnight premiere

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Harry Styles! - Louis

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An animal entered my house tonight ! It could only be one thing : A bear or a dog.

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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A nhiger walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand. "do you have any lemonade" the man said "no. we don't serve nhigers lemonade. but you can drink your own piss boy, thats home made.." the nhiger waddled away (waddle waddle) till the very next day. The nhiger walked up to the lemonade stand with a lawsuit file right in his hand and said "you are legally required to serve me lemonade" the man said "fu(k you nhiger go back to where you came go back to Africa it's full of aids" the nhiger said "goodbye".... i'm too lazy too finish this off so i'll spoil the ending, the nhiger was actually a smelly pakistanian, which was actually a dirty chi-nk in costume. let's just say lawsuits were filed but the lemonade stand owner had casey anthony's lawyer and in the end never had to serve fu-cking nhiger ,smelly pakies or dirty chin-ks again :) The End. Happily Ever After.

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What do you call a lazy good-for-nothing who can't succed at anything, steals your money, and who is unskilled in every way? A women

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Yo Mama is so fat that she has to wear large clothes.

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My Friend Philip had his lip removed today. he is just Phil now.

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What's better than rape? Consensual sex.

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Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and was forced to prostitute for money, thus resulting in you.

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side

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Why did Sarah limp to school? Because she got hit by a tree

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Why did the mailman say hi to you? He was trying to be friendly

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Why was timmy crying? He gave his grandmother AIDs...

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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A panda bear walks into a bar. The bartender then alerts the zoo of the whereabouts of their missing panda.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Chickens live in farms, they don't cross roads.

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Yo momma's so fat, she slipped into a diabetic coma.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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