Why did the boy drown? Because he was actually a brick. I lied about him being a boy.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the man with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike

thumb_up thumb_down -5

hahaha

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Who's there? Rick Rick who? Your wife's boss. I regret to inform you that your wife has sustained a injury on the job and she is in intensive care... I also regret to inform you that your insurance doesn't cover the injury

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did marybeth fall off the swing i shot her in the fart box and she died

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How do you get a Mexicans attention? By calling him by his name.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the underaged man say when he walked in the bar? He asked for a Coke.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Want to hear a joke? I hope not because I don't know any.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interupting doc- You have aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what is the difference between a Ferrari and a bucket of dead babies......... I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it's goal was to get to the other side however unfortunately a giant gorilla picked up a car; threw it at a nearby building causing it to collapse; setting off a massive explosion causing all of the buildings on that side of the street to collapse. As the whole other side of the street was covered in rubble making it impossible for the chicken to get to the other side, so the chicken decided to turn around and go home.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the blonde say to the brunette? I just ate a chicken panini.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting anally raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

how do you make a plumber cry kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How much wood could the woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A relatively small amount compared to the amount of trees in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whos better at Hide and go Seek, Anne Frank or Osama Bin Laden? -Why dont you tell me, they're both dead !

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the short man fall down the stairs? He got shot in the face with an assault rifle.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops