Roses are red, Violets are blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A black man and a Mexican man are both in a car. Who's driving? The white man who is also in the car with them.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is wrong with black stereotypes? Nothing! Basketball is pretty fun if you try it!

thumb_up thumb_down

What do bicycles and platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did Delaware? A coat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's a fail with a bowl on its head, a 30 year old, and a 5 year old at the same time? Justin Beiber

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whys it so cold? Nuclear winter.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Nero7 Here, unless you know what Neronism is, you will be wasting your time by reading this. Dear those of you that have proven yourselves worthy and willing to undertake my teachings and succeeded, as you know this is your last test, it is a simple one if you use your head (and read this at this hour, if not then you have made a lot of effort for nothing) Many have failed this last test: You are the ones insisting on meeting the "true leader" "the one" but too many refuse to believe I am the leader once you meet me. Sure, I look as if I am 19-22 or something, but since this is horsehead network, a pretty shitty site to be honest, I will admit here for the first and last time online, that I am in fact 37 years old. And if you are still unwilling that I came up with all the principles, which you now know less than 3 percent about, then do not bother showing up at all, as I have lost too many talented individuals which leave in frustration believing that I am my own errand boy, or that even now that I carry the "Mark of Nero" refuse to believe that my teachings cannot be real because they are not written by a 130 year old "mystic" that has spent his whole life in the mountains coming up with this. As for "the mark of Nero" (Used to and still hate the name but it caught on and has become my trademark) even now people wont believe that I am the founder and leader behind it all, I mean who else has the lower half of his (or for that sake her) arm replaced with a black prosthetic made of steel? It even has the code engraved into it, and the writings clearly stating NERO7 On one side, and Néron (Spanish for Nero) on the other? So for those disappointed that I am not an ancient mystic, and as thus believe that concepts such as hypnosis is a "mystical, magical, ancient or religious concept that only "a few chosen one can learn", then you should by this point know that there is nothing spiritual, mystical and nonetheless that I hate religion with a passion... I under these circumstances I can not announce which people have qualified, but considering we where surprised there where those willing to undertake and nonetheless qualify here at all, I expect you all to wait at home tomorrow, where you are to be given more instructions by calling the number you should have learned to decipher trough this (sigh OVERLY LONG statement, forgive me, I have serious issues with my jaw after a fight, my physician claims he can do nothing, and as such I fired him, and hope I find a competent replacement one among our ranks) As for those of you that did not qualify, you have my sincerest apologies and will instead receive a full refund for your traveling expenses, and a complementary donation as thanks for trying, know that you have not failed a test, but are those of you which have proven yourselves unable to do the necessary effort, and those of you that have refused, or are simply unable to make the necessary changes, (or if you prefer, sacrifices) in order to join us. Ps: Please stop asking what it costs to join... I already told you that I have no need for your money, and as hard as some of you seem to believe that is... Lets just say I got enough myself, and my followers while given guidelines, are all responsible for managing their own financials for now, we do not provide charity either, with that said, the ones lacking assets, will be given the offer to work for me, under strict yet fair circumstances. PSS: I mean it, if you have already lied about your use of marijuana "because it is legal and natural" know that I PERSONALLY hate its use, and will PERSONALLY kick your ass out of MY order myself... As for Scientologists, do not even bother, I have eyes among your ranks, and we will keep watching. (Nero apologizes for his lack of manners, frustration, spelling errors and to quote him directly "all of that shit" during this last message, as far as our physicians can tell, he does indeed have several fractures on his jaw which might have led to an infection of unknown degree and in addition yet unidentified issues with his neck, both which according to our top physicians have led towards serious sleep deprivation, and if I might personally add from personal observation: Yes his physical health and mental performance has indeed seriously declined, as his right hand person, I have decided to exclude his presence from your introduction into our order. With that said, his condition is stable and he will indeed be with you during the days you will stick around, as much as he dislikes the use of painkillers, the physicians and the serious decline of productivity in his absence, has left him with no choice but to cooperate with the physicians advice.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? You shouldn't eat Jews, unless your a cannibal for which you should seek psychological help.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you scare a plumber? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's funnier than my jokes? your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. After being told politely that Big Macs were served at McDonald's and not Burger King, he walked out and drove to the nearest McDonald's.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What was Helen Keller's favorite activity? fingering herself...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a kid with headgear and one leg? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia They had communism

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why didn't the boy have any pockets on? He didn't have any pants on

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the anti-joke say? Nothing for it is an anti-joke which is a group of word formed to create a sentence and sentences cannot speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

scenario: two teddy bears wrestling under water question: how many apples does it take to tussel with a potato answer: 96 becouse pillows dont eat chease

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops