What do you call a boy with no arms or legs Mat

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Once upon a time there were seven dwarfs. They were named Steven, Jason, John, Peter and Alfred.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why couldn't the old lady take her Afghan Hound to the vet after the dog had been brutally harassed? She was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do you call a black man with a knife in his hand? a surgeon.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Two muffins are being baked in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, it's starting to get really hot in here." The other muffin says, "MUFFINS CAN TALK?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a chicken with no feathers, no guts, and no head? Fried chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +2

It is true that Trump will make America great again.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Yep, super duper stressed, all of the time, but how did you know?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I'm not wearing underwear Why not Cause I have built in underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what's black, white and doesn't float? the titanic

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the girl crying? DEEZ NUTS!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Me: You know what's funnier than 24. Friend: 25? Me: No, 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A baby walks into a bar and the bartender says.... Where is your mom?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

An escalade with 5 black men crashes off a cliff and all of them die. this is terrible. an escalade seats 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why does smokey bears wife never have kids? Because every time she gets hot smokey beats he with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hickory Dickory Dock, Three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck 1, and the other 2 escaped with minor injuries

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock, Knock Whos there? Banana Banana Who? Banana i didn't say your moms dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

A: Ask me if I'm a tree. B: Are you a tree? A: psh, no! *gives offended look and walks away*

thumb_up thumb_down

What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

roses are red yoda is green my lightsaber needs 2 hands if you know what i mean

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops