I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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What can't taste with a toung, and it's soul never dies? A shoe

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What's the difference between and elephant and a banana? An elephant is grey.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Daises are red, holy crap my garden is on fire.

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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A Frenchman stays and fights

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A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

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Why did the black man cross the road? He had a job interview precisely 10 minutes after this event occurred.

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Anthony Dephillips is handsome

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What do you Call L.L. Cool J's mexican cousin? El El Bean

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what do you call a shoe with legs? roadrunners.

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An elephant walks up to a camel and says why have you got a pair if boobs on your back, the camel the replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Two juggalos go to an Insane Clown Posse show.

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So a seal walks into a bar... ...seals can't walk.

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A black man walks into a bar with a parot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey you can't bring that in here!" The Parot replies "Sorry i'll have him wait outside."

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My nigga so racist he killed a man cause he was white.

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If you don't live in the country, where do you live? The ocean.

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How is it possible for a man to get raped? Easy. He lied.

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How many cats get hit by a car per day How ever many cats you can find

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What's the difference between Vagisil and Black People? They are disgusting!

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Your friend is so gay that he came out of the closet and was accepted warmly by his friends and family for who he is a human being.

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How do you get McFly into a Mini? McFly are a four member band and a mini has four seats so it's actually quite straightforward.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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