What the kid with no arms get for christmas? A baseball and a glove to go through with his dad

thumb_up thumb_down +51

A boat sinks in the ocean, what does the sailor do? Nothing, he wasn't on the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two white people walk into a bar what do they say? "hi"

thumb_up thumb_down +58

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would? Probably a lot of wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a duck, an engineer, and a leaf? There are many differences between these 3 that I will not list them all.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

a blond walks in to a post... OUCH

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What did the Irisman say to the bartender? Don't know? i don't speak Irish?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

This is on of those few moments where my guts and attitude leave me feeling as if the entire world is against me... ...Then I cant help but to smirk and think... The world against me? Finally a worthy challenge... Such a great day... Nero because fuck morals: Friends and not so friends do not call me Black Metal because I listen to power rock, my mother high on drugs attacked my wife claiming she was Satan, I killed my angel dust empowered mother, felt as if the world was against me... ...Such a great day... "I killed my father too but you dont hear me whining about it!" And of course... ...Rest in pieces oh "dear" mother", at least you did one good thing, you gave birth to your undertaker, while I killed you to end my lifelong misery, My only regret is ending yours... Now I request you all think I am a monster and pretend we live in a world where all parents are nice and good... You already deluded yourself? Perhaps you should thumb me up instead then.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

A penguin was waddling along one day and saw a seal.. The seal stood up and procceded to talk and jump and even twirled around... The penguin realized this was impossible for a seal to be doing this so he hopped on his unicycle and just rode home because he was going to be late for his piano recital

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Whats big, ugly, and sucks? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

If u wanna get high, smoke weed

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did a blind man buy a violin. To learn how to play a violin.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why do black people smell? So blind people can hate them too.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't Timmy ride his tricycle? He was run over by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot turned into a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down

whats the difference between a black person , spook and a porchmoney.... there is none there all stupid stinky n-ag-ger-s

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q:How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Just Juan.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

what did Sandra bullock say to Jesse James? I hate your fickin a**!!:)

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a hairless penis, whatever gay name you decided to nickname it

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Roses are red, Violets are Blue Last night was amazing, I have Aids

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops