Q: Why was the mexican mowing the lawn? A: Because the grass was too tall

thumb_up thumb_down

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why couldn't the boy turn around in the hallway? Becasue he had a javelin through his head

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you get if you cross a horse with a cow? A horse and a cow.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What noise annoys a noisy oyster? Hispanics with their loud car stereos.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why couldn't the Asian man drive very well? He was blind from birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "The police." "'The police', who?" "Sir, come out of your domicile with your hands up and no weapons present. You've just gone to an orphanage and massacred almost every nun who's worked there for almost five years. Not only that, but your son has also contracted AIDS from his previously lesbian girlfriend whom she has lost her mother too in the orphanage accident you've just caused."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

did you know towels can cause dry skin?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats more crazy? Stabbing someone or killing someone? I don't know thats why I am asking you

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what is this joke about? - i don't know i am still writing the j

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Suicide is never the answer. Unless you ask me what I contemplated after I found out that my family was killed in a horrific traffic accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the little boy start to cry? because his parents didn't love him

thumb_up thumb_down -7

69

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call burt and ernie if they were black?? A couple of n*ggers

thumb_up thumb_down +37

what did the man say when he walked into the bar? Ouch!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

My dads so gay he has sex with other men for fun.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the 2 black kids jump the barb-wired fence To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the sailor fall off the boat? Because vampires arent real.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the mormon say when he complemented the gay person? Nothing, because mormons hate gays.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why am i on this site? cause its funny

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So these two girls have a cup .

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Yo momma is so stupid that the only test she passed was the mental retardation test.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops