Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 knifed 10.

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what do you call a black person who flies a plane? a pilot, you racist

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Your momma's so fat...

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Q) what do girls like long , soft (can go hard) and has white stuff come out A) Twinkies but if left out of its plastic wrapping for a long period of time it will go hard

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A man walks into a bar and orders a shot. The bartender asks to see his I.D. The man explains that he had lost his I.D. earlier in the day. The bartender then asked the man to leave, so he left.

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Whats the easiest way to solve problems in Haiti? Nuke them.

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What can never be seen by the owner, looks like Jesses mom, and smeels like shit. Jesses dick.

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what has 4 legs but can't walk? a paralyzed dog

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Have you ever seen a dinosaur? No

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Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. This is a poem about flowers.

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Why did Lady Gaga arrive at the Grammy's in an egg? Because she was born that way.

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the more I study the more I know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, why study?

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

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what do all elephants have in common? they are all monkeys

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Why couldn't the girl brush her hair? Because she had leukemia

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Two guys are on a bridge. One commits suicide, the other one is called John.

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Q:What do they call her? A: They call her love,

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Q: Why didn't the boy go to school? A: It was the weekend.

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One below was by me: Walter H

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies. I don't have a Ferrari in garage.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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