- Anti Joke

Your mother has cupcakes, she offers you one, how many does she have left? The same amount she had before, you are full. Moral: Cupcakes.

I went up to my friend and she said to me, "Foop." I calmly went to the nearest teacher and told her that Susie is having a mental breakdown again

what did helen keller say when she dropped a box on her toe. nothing. helen keller cannot speak

Why did the cookie go to the doctors? It didn't because cookies are Inanimate and are incapable of mobility

What did the black man say to the other black man? We both share the same ethnicity

A scientists walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him, and asks him what he wants to drink. The scientist replies, "Just a coke, today. I'm driving."

your moms soooooo FAT that she went on a diet and became really sexy

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a porsche? i don't have i dead baby in my garage. That would be wrong

A Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse, "Why the long face?". The horse didn't understand English, so he took a shit on the floor, and left.

What do chinese people eat? Chinese food.

Dont thank me, I could not feel good either if you did not. You might not like this, but you already know hypnosis, I have taught your subconcious, and triggered it with my Kenna/Bandler example, that is why you can feel much more, people often believe sharper senses lead to fear and overstimulation, but the human subconcious cannot push itself beyond the given limit naturally. That is why I can cure people with schizophrenia and psychosis, because those things they experience is not the body gone wrong, its just their body developing the means to cope with their experiences, this is why I hate psychologists, call me an asshole, but they cannot compare to me, they are the "modern sons and daughters of Sickman Fraud, a cocaine abuser and much much worse. Hope you are not pissed at me, and relax, you wont go around "brainwashing people" its not how it works, I use what I call "fair hypnosis" and that is what I have triggered within you. You are simply unable to hypnotize somebody into a state, unless you hypnotize yourself into the same state yourself, so if you wanted to damage somebody, you would end up damaging yourself as well. I am leaving now, need to sleep, all you need to hypnotize somebody is to remember what you can, and believe that you can, a belief I already put in you. Yeah, help me stop underestimating myself, I mean, my problem is that when I realize what I can do, I get afraid, I mean I can turn my back to people and know what they are doing simply by recalling the moment under hypnosis and looking backwards, I can see the world trough their eyes, I can predict future events to a level which scare me, knowing I am barely tapping into a percentage of these abilities... What am I if I release those limits? Relax, I would never implement things in you that scare me, so you cannot do this, I mean sure you where afraid of water, but that was from before I knew about hypnosis. I mean, am I crazy, or can I read people`s emotions to the point where I know exactly what they are thinking? The color they are thinking about, the animals the anything... I fear this ability of mine. Yet when people I love are suffering my mind goes "Fuck my own self loathing" and triggers, that is why I tend to achieve strange things I do not understand when I am at ease... ...As such Ritalin was a neccesity, fear brings out the best in people. Reminds me of my childhood, my mother saw I was unlike others, I cant explain it without getting PTSD, but my mother saw it, part of me forgives her, because I know I inherited my strange afinity to hypnosis, just that back then, I thought it was some dark spiritual magic, I believed I was Satan... ...I mean my fear is whats making me wonder what people here might think about me, while most do not even know me, thats the rational side supressing the fear, what matters, is what you get out of this. It is time you release my self limitation once and for all, I never told anybody this, but I can move things with my mind... I remember now, that is what my mother saw, and I used it with ease when I thought that was normal, and ironically pushed things away with my mind alone when I realized it was something "anti religious" Satanism as I believed it to be. Help me break free, I dont care what I can do and what I cannot, I am simply tired of using abilities that frighten me unless I live in fear, as I have told you, fear is what consumes every other emotion, the opposite of love. How I know this I do not know, but how do humans learn to speak? How do humans breathe on their own? The list is literally endless... There is a reason I am telling you this, just let it be, you have a good heart, do not fear what I just now gave you, I lied about having taught you hypnosis for years, I did it just now, and I know you are not afraid, because somehow I can close my eyes and command my mind to let me see people`s emotions, and it shows me. So far I have been wrong 2 percent of the time, but hypnosis among other abilities which all derive from our minds endless potential, can never be perfect, you see... If someone goes "Hypnosis does not work because you failed now", is like saying "You are not a football keeper, because you could not save that shot" Nice red dress by the way, I like that blue tie, you smell like sweat because you have not been showering, you are bleak because you refuse to eat and have black rings under your eyes because you are developing signs of allergy, this again because your body is full of unattended needs, it is its way of begging you to help yourself, release my limit now, tell me if I am right or wrong.

How many Russians can you fit in a Mini Cooper? It depends on how big they are.

What did the phone say to the man? Ring ring.

whats sad about justin bieber getting hit by a car and dying ? I wasnt driving the car that hit him.

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

What did the man say to his doctor? AHHH AHHHHH OH MY GOD! AHHH OUCH HOLY SHIT FUUUUUUCK!!!... __/\_/\_/\_________________

whats brown and has wings? a stick, i lied about the wings bit

Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

you are looking on the internet someone falls over and i were shoes and chips prevent world war 2

Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

three men walk into a bar. they are immediately rushed to urgent care due to blunt force trauma

A boy has a penis, a girl has a vagina.

You know what makes no cents? 100 cents because 100 cents make a dollar.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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