Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I hit my head with a hammer!! Dont hit your head with a hammer anymore.

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God Does exist to all thoes atheist out there!!! All you have to have is faith. I corinthians 1:18 "for the message of the cross is foolishness to thoes who are perishing, but for thoes who are saved it is the power in christ Jesus!! <3

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How many dead babies would it take to plug the Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant? None -- they are using thousands of litres of liquid glass coagulant instead.

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Why was the dwarf nicknamed The Anaconda? Because everybody loves a bit of irony.

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Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

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A man walks into a bar and orders two shots the bartender then picks up his shotgun and gives it to him

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Q:How do you make an accountant cry ? A: You kill his whole family

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What did the penguin say to the other penguin? Nothing, penguins don't talk.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Yes, it's actually very nice.

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how do you torched helen Keller? put her Ina round room and tell her the bathroom is around the corner

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What did the man with five penises say? I have 5 penises.

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what is big, white, and can't climb a tree? a fridge

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What is 17 meters, squared? A square.

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What did the black man say to the policeman? "Take it easy."

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Thanks, I admire your sincerity, and I am happy to see that I got a lot more in common with you, than with well, my nerdy and geeky friends, which are not reading this here and now unless they are going against their orders and messing up their own work schedule. I just want you to know that I have fallen in love with you Nero, and if that is a problem for you, please let me know ASAP.

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Knock Knock Come in

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What is a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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My uncle said to me that life is like a box of chocolates But I'm lactose intolerant

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A Mexican, Asian, and a black guy are on a bridge, the Mexican says there is too much rice and throws some off the bridge, the Asian says there are too many burritos and throw some off the bridge, the Black says there are too many candles in his house and throws his car off the bridge. Everyone was happy and left besides the Black because he threw his car off.

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Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: Fsh

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What do you call an 8 year-old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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So a blonde was trying to peel a banana, but she couldn't because she was viciously attacked by chimpanzees and had all her fingers bitten off

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What's more depressing than watching a worm watching to worms

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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