Q: Why did the bird fall out of the tree? A: It died. Q: Why did the snake fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the bird. Q:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did Jake have a bad spring break? Because he got hit by a car and died

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A traveler gets a flat tire on an old farm road. He goes to the door of the neasrest farm and knocks. The farmer and his beautiful 21 year old daughter answer the door. Traveler: "I'm sorry, but I have a flat. Is there any place I can stay until I get it repaired?" Farmer: "Why yes. Our church sponsors a homeless shelter and rehab center down the road.I can give you a ride there if you like?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Chuck Norris watches TV.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: How can you tell when your selling a Blondel a microwave A: she will keep asking how many chandler the Tv gets

thumb_up thumb_down -25

mark lawson likes boys

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What came first the egg or the hen? your mother did, when I had sex with her last night.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the bag.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What happened When The lion asked the dog of a soda can? The giraffe who is taller the lion or the whos the fastest?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's old and wrinkly? old people

thumb_up thumb_down -3

who's best is friend is really good looking? James Cornish

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Nice legs, what time do they open the free bar, I'd like to by you a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, violets are red. Aaaaaahh! My garden's on fire!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats funny? laughing at people when they die a slow and painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Jack and Jill went up the hill....Just kidding, it was only Jill. Jack had no legs

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: We're both lawyers!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How did the snail travel around the world without any help from a transportation device? Sadly, it didn't. The snail is incapable of this kind of long distance travel due to it's small size, lack of speed and short lifespan.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

how did the fat guy fall off the swing? the chain on the right side broke because of is eccesive weight that he probably should have lost last year on biggest loser.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Five men walk into a bar. The bartender says, more taste or less? None of them care.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man jumped off a cliff and wished he could fly. He was hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the black person

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops