A blond and his wife were in the hospital expecting their first child together. The wife gives birth to twins and the husband turns to her and says, "I can't believe we had twins. I'm so happy!"

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How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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When life gives you lemons you get sugar and water and make some good lemonaide.

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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Why did the women cover up her vaginal area? She was with her friends, queefed, and was extremely self conscious.

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You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

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An Italian man with a very thick accent decides to travel to America. On arriving, he decides to take a taxi and tour the nearby city. The man, feeling hungry after a while, chooses to stop at a bakery. Upon entering the bakery, the man walks up to the display of bread, and points at the loaves of bread he wanted, calling to the baker "I want 2 piece." The baker, not understanding the man's accent asks the man to repeat what he said. So the man repeats, "I want 2 piece, right here, right now." "Sure thing," the baker says, and gives the man the loaves of bread.

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Whats a never ending Opium for the stupid, mentally depraved un educated population? Christianity

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whats better than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees whats better than 1 baby nailed to 10 trees? 10 trees nailed to 1 baby

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why did the circus boy not do his homework? because he was in a coma.

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Guess what happened when a man took off his jumper?? He became cold!

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How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

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A man walks into a bar... He has a severe drinking problem, and his wife weeps for him

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What did the grape do after it was stepped on? Nothing, as it was incapacitated, and even under normal circumstances, it would be incapable of performing any voluntary actions as it is only a grape.

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I am the best i am the worst My wife was buried in hearse

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Banana Yoshimoto. A popular Japanese author of the book, Kitchen. She is incredibly talented and it would be a great honor to have her in your house, so you should open your door.

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How do you know what to order at a Creole restaurant? Ask the waiter, they are usually familiar enough with the menu to make an educated recommendation.

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's? Someone else's cheese.

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wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

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Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

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I dyed my armpit hair blue yesterday because I wanted to start a new trend. My boyfriend later broke up with me.

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Man don't you hated when birds shit all over your car! Man I'm glad cows don't fly!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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