What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Your in the wrong hemisphere

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If life's a box of chocolates, I'm the dominant male.

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What did the Dad say when his daughter murdered everyone Tea you're grounded

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a man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is slowly destroying his family

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two tomatos walked over the road and..... just kidding tomatos can't walk.

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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what did the gay guy get for his birthday aids

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What grows best during the cold Winter season? The number of deaths among homeless people.

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Why did the panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second panda fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first panda. Why did the third panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the fourth panda fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. -BG_Shank_A

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Face...the other white meat!

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Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

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Wanna hear a hot headed retard? call and listen carefully 6196342668

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What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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Why are aspirins white? Because the creator of aspirin didn't feel it necessary to color the pills.

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So did you hear what happened to the deaf guy? He didn't either

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Why was the asian bad at sex? Because he was 5 years old

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Your mom is so old that she most likely will die soon.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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What do you call a puppy in alaska? A cold PUPPY!!!!!

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Whats brown and can't ride a bike? A lampshade.

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

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my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

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Two fish are swimming and hit a concrete wall...dam

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Q: What do you call a fly with no wings. A: Dying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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