Why didn't Susie's dad come home on time? He was dragged into a dark alley, then stabbed in the eye. When his body was found 2 days later, Susie couldnt stand the loss and hung herself the day after her father was found.

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What is the difference between green and desert sage? About 20 bucks a gallon.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Have you ever seen a dinosaur? No

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OneBigAssMistakeAmerica

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Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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what is worse than a pile of dead babies? there is one alive at the bottom. what is worse than that? it eats its way out.

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Think of a number between 2 and 10? 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 11745028410270193852110555964462294895493038

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Roses are red, violets are blue. This is a poem about flowers.

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Why did Lady Gaga arrive at the Grammy's in an egg? Because she was born that way.

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Knock knock Who's there? I eat myp.

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Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?! Oh, well then nevermind

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A black man walked into a bar. He cashed in big on workers comp.

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A man hanged himself, leaving a note. Nobody found him, nor the note. Nobody cared for him.

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the more I study the more I know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, why study?

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Why did the man get fired? Because he had cancer

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe, When he woke up one night he discovered with fright, That the friendly old neighbor from next door had broken into his house with a chain saw in an alcohol-induced murder attempt.

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What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common? They were both great singers.

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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Person 1: So now that were friends on facebook, you wanna hang out? Person 2: No I'd rather not.

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what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

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Why did the little girl stop licking her Popsicle? A psychopath cut off her tongue.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems nice tits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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