Q:what has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A:a pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -32

So a seal walks into a bar... ...seals can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why was the white girl not wanting to have a baby with her boyfriend he was black

thumb_up thumb_down +13

The snails are salting one by one Hurrah! Hurrah! They fizzle up until they're gone Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting two by two Hurrah! Hurrah! They melt until there's only goo Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting three by three Hurrah! Hurrah! Some shells and slime is all I see Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting four by four Hurrah! Hurrah! We shaker-salt them even more Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why are Chinese women such bad drivers? Only company executives are fortunate enough to own cars in communist China. Furthermore, women are still in a subordinate class in many Eastern societies.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what's worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it~? lots of things.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats worse than having no life? having no life and reading internet jokes all day!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats worse than a wussy times two a wusst times three i like boobs u basterds suck a dick

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she heard there would be quaffles!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what is fun to eat but dumb when its alive? A dumb yummy candy

thumb_up thumb_down -11

mommy mommy! why are we pushing the car over the cliff?! the mom answers shhh youll wake your father...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A sign at the drug rehab centre said keep off the grass. Jimmy thought it was a joke. So the groundskeeper chopped his legs off.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I saw a Chinese guy and a black guy talking to each other today, it gave me hope... For another rush hour movie

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock! Whose there? Adolf Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I couldn't afford a hair cut... So i contracted cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: Where does a hooker go for her footlong? A: Subway

thumb_up thumb_down +60

A duck walks into a bar, but he is kicked out because he is not 21

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A walrus walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are blue Chrome won't stop crashing randomly F*ck Chrome

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two Jews were fighting over a penny and then they realizde that they may be made fun of for this and quickly stopped.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops