What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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A father walks in on his kid masturbating to pictures of horses and promptly divorces his wife.

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speak now or forever hold your pee

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What do pebbles and Batman have in common. They're both pebbles. Except Batman.

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

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What does the cup-cake say to the cake? Do you want a cup in your cake to make it cup-cake?

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What's the similarity between a dog and a car? They're both made out of atoms.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? -She had no arms *Knock Knock* Who's there? -Not Sara!

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A man walked into a bar. Ow!

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Why did the squirrel cross the... *Squash*

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Your mamma so jobless, that she needs a job! ~T.J.C.S.

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how many poeple does it take to change a light bulb? you spelled people wrong.

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Knock Knock! Well come on in!

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A man walks into a music store and hears dubstep playing in the background and he says, "Ugh! I hate dubstep!" Suddenly the clerk gets extremely offended and says, "Haters gonna be gay!" The man chuckles at the clerk's remark and shakes his head. "No no no silly," He said. "Haters gonna not be deaf." He says shaking his head as he walks out. The clerk tries to elaborate on what the man meant, but he realizes he cannot hear his thoughts.

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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I like to rape children, then kill them, eat them and defecate them into a toilet

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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An American almost walks into a store when he sees a Jew. The Jew was also about to walk into the store, So the american opens the door for him and says"Jew first."

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why was the carrot sad? it was stuck in an antelopes anus

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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