Why was the Cubs fan sad? His wife just left him.

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what is 2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2-2+2x0 20

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Why did the man fall of the cliff? A: Because someone pushed him.

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Why was Martha put in a wheelchair? She was hit by a rabid cabbage.

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Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

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what did the black guy get for christmas? a car because he really wanted one.

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why did joe drop his clock? billy ran into him, therfore making the clock wobble in his hand until it fell at 34 mph.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

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A shark ate your mom

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Okay, this is a real joke: A guy slips on a banana and falls down in the most funny way ever, so a girl nearby starts laughing when she suddenly realizes the guy is bleeding profoundly, so she runs over to help, but it turns out the blood was just ketchup so... Just then they both got run over and killed by a car.

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Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

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Waffles ate my grandma

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Why did the cow cross the road? -Because it lives in India and is allowed to.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what would you like to drink?". The horse, unable to comprehend english, just nods and proceeds to shit on the floor

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knock knock whose there open the door open the door who just open the door so i can come inside

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How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

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What is brown, creamy, and tastes like gravy? gravy.

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What is red and ragging? A Hemorrhoid

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll order The Special, what's wrong with you?

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Why did the black man drown? Because he didn't wait 30 minutes after eating.

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Womens Rights. Excist in nearly every country on Earth today.

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What do you call a guy with no hands working in a hat store? larry

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Y did the chicken cross the rode to/ get away from KFC

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Why wasn't Kevin Love able to draw a perfect circle. Because, he just wasn't able to get the job done

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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