Boy: Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth! Girl: *whispering* please don't tell anyone we are trying not to be noticed...

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Every Good Boy Deserves Fibromyalgia

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Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

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Worms don't like apples.

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What happened when the man turned on his TV? It was tuned to the Discovery Channel

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"Hey have you seen Stevie wonders car. Neither has he.

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What do you call a man who does not burst into tears after hearing that his mother has died? A person that has been desensitized by today's cruel world and society.

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black

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Q. If you have $5, and a friend has $5, then how much money do you both have? A. You both have $5.

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I once met with Mahatma Gandhi and he said to me "Child, why do I walk this earth?.. What is the meaning of my living?.. Why am I alive?" and I bowed in respect of his wisdom and said "I don't know. Why do you?" and he said "I don't I'm dead."

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where's mom I killed her

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Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

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what do you call a tall skiny kid with a very big ego autistic.........colby schluter.

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what worse than a worm in your apple being kidnapped by hores and eaten alive by rabbits

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What do you call a racist guy surrounded by a gang of black pepole? Dead.

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Whats the most impotent thing to remember when your going skateboarding? A skateboard.

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A Jew and a Muslim are sitting in a bar. The Muslim asks the Jew for some money to buy a drink. The Jew said, "how much?" The Muslim said, "$7.00" The Jew then said, "yes."

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Knock Knock.. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Daves dead. This is Darrell.

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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Q. What is the worlds biggest lie A. I have read and agree to the terms of service ?

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? There are numerous things worse than finding a worm in your apple. Some include the holocaust and nuclear warfare

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whats red and smells like blue paint? Hank Kovalcik

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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