how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw them

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whats red with blue spots and is highly inteligent? an apple. i lied to you and am sorry

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There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

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What does it mean if your tv appears floating away in the dark? You had an awesome tv.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, so is my face, I'm constipated

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Why did the baby fall down from the tree? It was dead.

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How do you punish Helen Keller? By grounding her.

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What do you call a man with a black head, a red body, white arms and yellow legs? To get to the other side.

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A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

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q. what did the fat guy get from burger king a. heart disease

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In order to find a woman, you need time and money. Woman=Time&Money The longer you spend at work, the more money you get. Time=Money Money is the root of most problems in the world today. Money=Problems Therefore Women=Problems

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How do you push a blond off a cliff? Push here.

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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How do you find your way out of the impossible maze? You don't.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Where can find a man who owns a white van capable of transporting many children? Most local churches have them for mission work. I would contact a local minister.

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Did you hear about the alter boy that wasn't molested by a priest?

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Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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How do you drown a blonde? Hold their head under water.

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Your computer runs so slow that I had to run a virus scan.

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Why did the police officer arrest the black guy? Because the guy was black and the police officer was racist.

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I've had Alzheimer's for as long as I can remember... So since yesterday.... CHAYOTE ASTRONAUT SPACE SAY WHAT?!?!?!

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Your dad is so dumb he tried to put M&M's in abc order

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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