when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a black eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A woman walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Yes ma'am?". She orders a gin and tonic, but the bartender had gave her two without realising, and so she pays for one only. She starts to contemplate whether to tell the bartender about his error or to just leave it and have a free glass of gin and tonic. However as she is a christian, gluttony is a sin, and she already had enough to drink today. However, she feels the need to have a relaxing drink today, because as she was on her job as a receptionist, when a customer tripped on the last step of the stairs behind her and broke his neck, dying instantly, which deeply saddened her. This later led her to indulge on 3 glasses of red wine in the staff room. She finally concludes after a few moments pondering, to not tell the bartender about his error, and pampered herself with two relaxing glasses of gin and tonic. Her dead, mutilated body was later found in the rubble of a car after a head-on collision with a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why is the light always red? Because the city has been in an economic depression and does not have the money to fix the traffic light's.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than being a replacement? An insufficient replacement.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why couldn't Billy eat his dinner? Because a black man amputated his hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? No, because he had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you drown a blonde. Put a scratch 'n' sniff at the bottom of a pool.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

FUCK THE JEWS

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a million pigs jumping out of an aircraft? Bacon.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the wealthy black man shoplift from the convenience store? He is a kleptomaniac.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock Knock! Who's there? The mailman! The mailman who? *opens door* Just kidding, I'm actually an axe-murderer!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walked into the woods... Sorry, I forgot the rest of the joke...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many band geeks does it take to catch a football? One, especially if he/she is on the football team.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock, knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? *snicker* F*ck a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

GRAAAAAAAAAAAR.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the man cry? Because his mom died in a terrible car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why don't they sell aspirin in the jungle? Because it is not financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated area.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

roses are red voilets are red bushes are red trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two straight men walk into a gay bar. They quickly realize their mistake and cross the street to the tavern where they enjoy a beer and some pretzels.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the lactose intolerant boy say when he accidentally drank some milk? Nothing, he went into anaphylactic shock and couldn't breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops