knock knock.. who's there? ted? ted, who? STOP f***ing around, you got cancer!

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A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

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What's white, wet, and sticky? A tissue that I just blew my nose with.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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There was a baby, and it wouldnt stop crying. So the mom shook it and shook it. Then it stopped crying.

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Why were the black mans hands all sticky? He was helping orphans with arts and crafts

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How are trees and friends alike? They are both subject to fall when struck with an axe.

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What did the guy say to the girl when he was holding a tool? You're a tool????

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How do you make a little boy cry? Slap the cookie out of his hand.

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What did the paralyzed kid get for his 18th birthday? A boner.

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why'd my house get destroyed I was afraid the tornado that hit mass was going to destroy it so I blew it up

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A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

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Sarah went to church one day and went into the confession booth with her pastor. He made sure nobody was in the church, and proceeded to allow her to confess. He didn't molest her. However, when Sarah got home her abusive stepfather beat her to death in an alcoholic rage and shot himself. It was on the news.

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How do you greet a small mexican man at Chuck E. Cheese? Whatsup Jose

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Who is worse then Charlie Sheen? Hitler.

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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A man went to the doctor, complaining about not feeling well after dancing the night before. The doctor quickly rushed to the surgeon to get ready for the liver transplant that had to take place.

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Did you know there was a black man in my family tree? He married my aunt.

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Q: What's big, brown, and smell like crap? A: Turd.

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How do you find the population of Mexico? Send out a census

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One walks on the moon and the other f*cks little boys.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's Cheese on toast

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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