- Anti Joke

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

What did the chair say when someone sat on it? Nothing. The person's butt covered the chair's mouth.

What does does an elephant and a grape have in common? They are both grapes except for the elephant.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse, thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly defecates on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few chairs and tables.

Why did sara fall out of the tree? -she had no arms.. Knock knock. -who's there? not sara.

Two guys went to a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure" said the guys. The bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? (when you are done start reading from the top again, and don't stop ever)

do you want to hear a joke?

Q. Where did Little Timmy go for Christmas? A. Auschwitz

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

that feels sooooo good. -is what jacob says when his dogs hump his legs

What do Austrailian cows say? Moo.

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house KNOCK KNOCK who's there? da chicken

What do you get when you cross Jesus with James Woods? Crucifixion

What's worse than failing out of high school? Finding out your mom has cancer.

whats brown? poop.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

What did the cow say to the chicken? - Muuuuhhhhhhhhh!

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing

a man walks into a bar. he orders a single drink, enjoys it, and drives home feeling a bit tipsy, but he was still able to operate his vehicle without an accident or a criminal charge.

Jack wasn't nimble. Jack wasn't quick. Jack sat on the candle and burned his corduroys.

Why did 4 Christians, 2 Jews, 1 Muslim, 1 Buddhist and an atheist squeeze into a Honda Accord? One of their co-workers at Appleby's made a compelling case for the financial and environmental benefits of carpooling.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops