There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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hey i just met you and this is crazy i have alzheimers hey i just met you

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Stevie Wonder: Did you see the new piano I got from pepsi? Me: no.... Stevie Wonder: Neither did I...........

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How do you identify a Chinese tank? They smash their own people.

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What did the retarded handicap say to the bully who called him the biggest retard in the world? "atleast I didn't make SOPA"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

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What's the difference between Micheal Phelps and Adolf Hitler. Michael Phelps is an Olympic swimmer who has won many gold medals in the 2008 Olympics in swimming races and is considered to be one of the greatest swimmers ever. Adolf Hitler was a terrible man who was the leader of the Nazi party during the World Wars. He ordered to kill eight million Jews, causing what is called the Holocaust. He is considered one of the worst men in human history. Other immature people would say Micheal Phelps can finish races.

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

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phil - "honey, why is the picture quality so bad" Phil was watching a toaster

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How many vampires does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Vampires do not exist

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Whats long,hard, and has c.u.m in ig? Cucumber....also my wiener

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

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Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my chew toy throw it maybe!

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how do u have sex with a really hot girl who is not interested in you? Rape her in a dark ally

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs Mat

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Once upon a time there were seven dwarfs. They were named Steven, Jason, John, Peter and Alfred.

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The last joke I tried to submit used "trolololol" as the enter code thing and I spelled it without the extra "lol" The lolz have got me again *this time it asked me for "basket case"

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What did the moose say to the photographer? Moose say cheese.

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Yo Mama's so fat when she fell out of the tree she hit the ground very, very hard.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius.

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What is better then fisting? Fisting with a metal studded glove

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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