A guy named M.C. walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "wheres the food?" The bartender says, " its in your stomach."

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What's pink and when you press a button it turns red? A baby in a blender. What's pink and when you hit it against the wall sounds metallic? A baby with two forks stuck in its eyes.

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Man 1: youre going to die Man 2: why? Man 1: everyone dies

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Why did the black man get stuck to the ceiling? Because he was spiderman.

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What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

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It's Christmas Eve and your entire family is gone for 12 hours to by you presents. What will you do while there gone? By the time you figured out what you will do you will hear a knock at your door. It's the police they are here to tell you your entire family was murdered during a shooting at the mall. The sad part is you will not receive your NEW Beats, your Xbox 1, or your make up.

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What's wrong with you? I have no idea.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have AIDS, now so do you.

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You know how I know you're gay? Because you came out to your close family and friends, who were all very respectful and accepting.

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because he was insecure in his relationship with his soon to be wife.

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What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

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Q: What's orange, hairy, and covered with gasoline? A: Definitely not a chair.

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why am I writing this...im bored

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Who is a pussy? Jeff Misner

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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A school bus after a horrible traffic accident.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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why was the kid laying in the middle of the baseball field? he was shot in the face then mauled by a bear.

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So I saw a man trying to push a plane. I asked why. He told me to mind my own business and go get ebola. And that's why I left for Africa.

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Why did the woman accuse a black man of stealing from a bank? Because she was eating a cornmuffin on the bench across the street when she saw a black man,stealing money from a bank

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he didn't have arms.

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You momma's so ugly your dad left her.

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what do you do if you see a black man covered in hot greece on the floor of the bus shelter? call an ambulance...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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