Policeman: Knock, knock. Woman: Who's there? Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

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What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

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what's small, red and sits in the corner? A naughty strawberry.

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Whats worse than a rotten tomato. a fridge hitting your baby.

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What's worse than a kid with a big head? Nothing you just look weird like Austin

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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Why do Mexicans stink? Because they're Mexican.

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord? My ass.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A hat.

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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Roses are red violets are red I think I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

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Why did Johnny buy the strawberry ice cream? Because when he gets the chocolate he vomits and bleeds out of his asshole.

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How do you make a baby float? Take your foot of its head.

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You're mum is so fat, she has low self-esteem

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Whats red and smells like Bacon. Bacon

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What's smelly and Dirty? Someone who hasn't shower in a reasonably long time.

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Whats Jewish and Funny? A Jewish Comedian.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips

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What happened when Dave tried to break the record for most marshmallows in the mouth at once? He choked and died.

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Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

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"You know what sucks?" "Vaccuumes?" "You know what metaforically sucks?" "Black holes?" "You know what just isn't cool?" "Lava?"

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, nice tits

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One of them I can whack with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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