Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

What did the customer say to the waitier? "I think I'll have the special."

What do call a someone with no arms, legs, and has an eye patch? Names

2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

how many Pikachu's can you get in a mini? 14.

why did the chicken cross the road i hate it when people ask questions they already know the answer to

This is just like Facebook. If you guys want to like comments, or even comment on them, just get Facebook.

Knock Knock Who's there? Do you have a minute to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

Why did god smite the homosex man with all of heavens wrath? For shits and gigs.

Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

What do a black man and a dog have in common? They're both going to die some day.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because Acl tear stepped on a spit.

what did the hobo as the other hobo? do u have any cheese?

What did Mel Gibson say to the African-American? I'm sorry

A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

What's worse than being raped? Being raped after getting raped.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To mutilate the body of a Jewish girl that lay on the other side.

what has a huge nose and is jewish??? Henery Miller!!!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well I'll tell you. He was happily gliding down the sidewalk when he realized that his destination was across the road. He then proceeds to take In his surroundings . He finds that there is no indication telling him to stop so he then cautiously walks across the road watching for any dangerous movement. He safely makes it across and proceeds to his destination which is the slaughtering house. He is a retarded chicken

What do you call a nun who is just walking around? A Roman Catholic

What is worst than a black guy hanging on a tree. A burnt black guy hanging on a tree

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

Why was six afraid seven? Well, ever since six took an arrow to the knee he wanted to know who shot it. so he did some investigating, looked up some records and found seven was in the same war as him. then he thought about it, the big 7 scribed on the arrow he got shot with. Right then and there pain went into his back shooting upwards. He smacked the ground, and in his last moments of life saw seven standing above him. If your expecting another end down here then your a stereotype.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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