what did the 3 year old get for her birthday? nothing she died of terminal cancer at the age of 2

thumb_up thumb_down +4

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the city on the other side. He hoped he could find work in one of the city's cheap factories. He needed money for his family: he could not bear to see them slowly starve for any longer. If he could get a lowly-paid job he may be able to just sustain them. But he knew it could not last for long. He would probably die on the streets or in the slums, cold, lonely and starving. But it was a risk worth taking - he could not see his own family waste slowly away like so many of his friends had.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c it was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out if the tree? A: b/c it was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c he thought it was a game. Q: Why did the toaster fall out of the tree? A: The branch snapped. Q: Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? A: She was hit by three monkeys and a toaster :( MAB99

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the old man climb the hill? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Lisa: Omg Karen, just had sex with Ben, his weiner was sooo tiny lol. Ben: I think you sent me the wrong text.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Who is Red and White and comes on Christmas? A Russian Candy Cane

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Kim Jong Un thinks that he is in shape. And when you think about it, he's right. Round is a shape.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why didn't suzzana go to school on Monday?? Because it was Sunday...I lied about it being monday

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is water clear? Because it doesn't have a pigmentation.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

In Soviet Russia, this joke is an anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Kyle grund parker coffey

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo Mama is like a gas station:pump and pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Babies are like landmines; when you step on them they explode.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

roses are red yoda is green my lightsaber needs 2 hands if you know what i mean

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The 17 year old buy called his computers support number to remove a virus from his old computer, so he can gift the computer to his little cousin for his birthday. But before giving the computer to his cousin he downloaded over 120 hours of adult film onto it.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

There was once a man named Larry. Larry was an office worker for a paper company. One day when Larry was counting papers he got a papercut on his left hand. Therefore his finger began to bleed as he sat in agony. What did Larry do next? He got up and got a band-aid. Larry continued his paper work at his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roeses Are Red Violets Are Blue He's The One For Me And Not For You, And If You Try To Take My Place I Will Take My Fist And Smash Your Face(:

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops