While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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What happened to the boy who crossed the road without looking both ways? He was abducted by aliens.

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I have read the terms and conditions

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Did you hear about the boy with the treehouse? He caught his mom cheating on his dad in there.

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Knock Knock! The man inside chooses not to answer the door and the caller walks away.

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what's more funny then being raped? not being a minority!

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roses are red violets are blue polar bears are white grass tends to be green

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What has wheels and flies? A wheel that I have altered so it can fly

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I have a joke Who is better, Kobe or Lebron? Kobe. But I lied, that wasn't a joke.

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why can't dead peaple have sex? because they're dead.

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What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

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sandwich. roller coaster. brain sprout. cholera, meander. time. rivet.porcupine. mayonaise. frying. x-ray forever.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Does this smell like chloroform to you?

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What is black and white and red all over? A dalmation that was hacked to death with a machete.

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*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

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Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

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What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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A Jew and a Muslim are playing golf. Just not together.

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Why wasn't the man hungry? Because he just ate a thousand almonds.

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How do you enter a gas station? Through the front door

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What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

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What do you call an old lady walking down the street? Widowed.

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When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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