A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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How do you make a mime talk? There are many ways. I prefer a baseball bat with a nail through it.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An Afronaut

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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FUS RO DAH!!!

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What is worse than breaking your pencil? Flying on a magic carpet

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Follow the Yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road........except it's not yellow.

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p

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Whats 10+10? A mathematical equation.

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How do you kill a deer? You don't, you just let it be because that's what a decent human being would do.

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Sarah Jessica Parker

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What did the paper towel say to the tomato? Nothing.

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I viewed the terms of service and did not agree to them.

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OMG did you hear about the man who sky-dived from mars?!!!! No…. Me neither

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what happens when 15 babies cross the street? well, some may be hit by cars. others will have to face the harsh life of reality.

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Whats numbing and smells like burning toast? A stroke.

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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A teen walks in on his parents having sex. He then vomits in his mouth and shuts the door.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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Why did Dolley Madison take the painting of George Washington out of the White House in 1814. It was on fire. By, Luke Atkins

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A man walked into a bar because he worked there.

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You know its time to leave when she wake's up out of her coma and your balls are on her chin.

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How do you make a plumber cry Kill his family

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It is so hot out here, that it could melt an ice cube that was once in the freezer!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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