3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is black and blue and red all over? My wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How do you make a plumber sad? Steal his plums.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is Osama Bin Laden scared of the dark? To be honest, I don't know, and I doubt you do either. Osama Bin Laden has been a fugitive on America's Top Ten Most Wanted list for over 10 years; there is no way that you could possibly know such personal information about him if the United States government can't even locate him and prosecute him for the heinous crimes he committed against the U.S. Don't ever lie to me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

boy1: whats blue and goes blub blub? boy2:i dont know boy1:a blue blub blub boy1: whats green and goes blub blub? boy2:a green blub blub boy1:no. there is no such thing called a green blub blub

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling? A: Lethally inject it.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

you are gay

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

2 loaves of bread were in a bar they did nothing as they are inanimate objects

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was the 7 year old girl crying? Because its hard to laugh during gang rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

The Bible

thumb_up thumb_down

A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

how many jews does it take to fit in a mid-size sedan? -5 comfortably.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What's the Difference between Judaism and Catholicism? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man walks into a bar and brings a Snickers. He gets a beer, eats the candy, and leaves leaving the wrapper. The bartender is angry with the littering but cleans it up and serves another customer.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why couldn't little Billy jump? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

Knock knock Who's there? Bill Oh hai come in

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would George Washington be doing if he was alive today? Scratching and screaming at the bottom of his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Take part of what?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a black man on the moon? A problem What do you call 10 black men on the moon? A problem What do you call 100 black men on the moon? A problem What do you call ALL the black men on the moon? A very serious problem. We should probably try and rescue them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the narcoleptic patient? It wasn't. The patients were treated because of moral obligations, but the doctors that laughed were either fired or warned, depending on if they had previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

this is not a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops