In the weeks following the original release of Die Hard, reports sprung up across the nation of impressionable boys overdosing while masturbating.

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How did Matt stop the robbers? He called the police.

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Your mamma's so obese that she can't stand up. She's been like this for years. That's because she's dead. She died of cardiovascular-related diseases.

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roses are red, violets are blue i couldnt spend one night without you

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What player wears number 8 and plays for liverpool? Steven Gerrard

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Why did the baby cross the road? It doesn't matter. He was hit by a bus.

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Why was O.J acquitted for murder? A jury of his peers deliberated for many days and found there was not sufficient evidence for his conviction.

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Here's another:

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what's shaped like a tree? a tree

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting brutally sodimized and murdered by a serial rapist.

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What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

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is this the krusty crab? no this is child services were taking your children.

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Why did the pineapple cry? It didn't, because it's a pineapple.

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good looking women

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Two Chavs jump off a clift who wins? Neither the sport of Tomb stoning is considered non competitive much like jogging

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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why did the chicken cross the road because everyone on the other side already had bird flu

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Your mumma is so stupid her IQ is 40.

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If you're a man, why don't you want to drop the soap in prison? The shower floors are disgusting and carry bacteria. No way would any person -- man or woman -- want to touch it.

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When life gives you lemons, sell them. Rejoice in your free money.

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Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Orange That's impossible because orange's can't talk. Oh. It's Jim, I need to borrow your lawnmower.

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what do you call a rat with wings? an evolutionary masterpiece

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Why didn't Joe's toaster work anymore? Because he dropped it into the bathtub with him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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