- Anti Joke

Jack was taking his family’s prized cow to market to sell; times were hard, the coming winter was sure to be harsh and they needed money and supplies desperately. On his way, a strange old man stopped him in his path saying ”Say there, son; that’s quite a fine cow you’ve got there! How would you like to trade?” Jack looked forlorn at his cow and replied, “Sorry, mister, unless you’ve got the 200 gold pieces my papa wants me to get for her at market, I can’t!” The old man cackled and danced in a small circle and said “But you’ve no idea what I have to offer!” He reached into his pocket and revealed several small beans; “I’ll give you the LOT of these for your cow!” Jack smirked and said “Why would I trade a whole cow for handful of dumb ol’ beans?” The man laughed and danced again, “These are no ORDINARY beans!! They are MAGICAL beans!! Why, plant but ONE of these beans, even in the harshest, driest of weather, and it will you feed your family for 20 years with enough left over to sell at market making your family wealthy beyond your wildest imaginings! Why, you could buy a HERD of cattle, each finer than this one you have here!” Jack thought this over for a few seconds, wondering at how proud his father would be were he to bring home such a fine prize! Anxiously, Jack agreed; he handed over the cows leash to the old man and ran home as fast as his legs could carry him, the magic beans clenched tightly in his sweaty fist. He burst in the door shouting “Mama, papa! Come see what I’ve got!” Jack’s mother, father and two little brothers came rushing into the room where Jack proudly displayed the magic beans in his outstretched hand. “We’re going to be rich and never go hungry again!” Jack’s mother looked confusedly at the beans; “You traded our last cow… for a few beans?” “Yup,” replied Jack, brimming with pride; “ the old man said just ONE of these is enough to feed us for 20 years!” Jack’s father grabbed the beans out of Jack’s hand and threw them out the window before proceeding to beat Jack quite severely, breaking his arm, fracturing several of his ribs and covering him with every manner of welt and lesion before Jack’s mother, through panic and tears, was able to stop her husband from killing their eldest son. Jack soon after took ill as several of the lesions became gangrenous. They amputated his arm, but it was too late; the infection had spread and Jack died within the month. By that time, winter had come and it was every bit as harsh as they thought it would be; Jack’s little brothers both died of starvation and Jack’s Mother turned to selling her shriveled, malnourished body to any wayward traveler who would have her for a pittance. Shamed and in mourning, Jack’s father took to drinking heavily at the local tavern. One night, through the drunken haze he overheard the barkeep telling a rapt group of listeners about how he’d heard about an old man who’d duped some dumb kid out of his family’s prized cow for a few beans and that same old man was currently in prison serving 5 years for man-on-cow acts of bestiality. Jack’s father ran out into the night, wailing and crying, deep into the woods to escape the shame of it all. A pack of wolves heard him and attacked and killed him. Also, Jack’s mother got syphilis. Moral of the story: children will ruin your life.

Why couldn't little Billy jump? He was dead.

What's a black man's favorite food? It depends.

Why does the chicken cross the road? Because chickens have legs to walk and they are not able to fly across the road, like the rest of their bird friends.

Why from a friends phone? I demand a full explanation, here, you got my number, you got my home address, and who the hell was that crying little bitch on the phone? I got friends in the UK which owe me some money, and nothing to lose, if I have to take care of you before you take care of me and even possibly my wife in the crossfire, I will take you down and everything in my path! Moral: Got ya!.

why did the chicken cross the road? becasue he wanted to. also he didnt want to be involved in the holocost

They say there is safety in numbers Tell that to six million jews

Q. Whats worse than 9 babies in 1 suitcase? A. 1 baby in 9 suitcases.

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

Did you see Helen Keller's doll house? No... Well it's really nice!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? You're mom. It's your.

knock knock! who's there? a fat salesperson here to deliver your supplements

Why did the cop stop a black guy with a Rolls-Royce? Because he was speeding while on his phone and going through red traffic lights.

What do you call a black man on a swing? Depends on what his name is

What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

roses are red violets are blue shut the fuck up or ill fuck you

what did the women say when she found out that superman was clark kent. i know that you are superman clark kent.

what do you call cheese thats not yours? stolen, your under arrest

a. johns friend said your a towel b. rick replied im obivously not a towel and walked away in discust at his friends stupidity.

What do you call thousands of people starving all across the globe? Not my problem.

OGC - tilt your head

How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

What do you get when you cross a stream with a prostitute? A wet hooker.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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