What do you call a drunk, blind, deaf monkey driving a car? A bloody good driver!

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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What would Abraham Lincoln do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.

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Ross.

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What did the dancing amphibious landing craft say to the carrot faced caterpillar? wanna get in its cold

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Roses are red violets are blue i have HIV you should probably get yourself checked...

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The last joke I tried to submit used "trolololol" as the enter code thing and I spelled it without the extra "lol" The lolz have got me again *this time it asked me for "basket case"

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What did Tarzan say when the monkeys came over the hill? Hey look, the monkeys are coming over the hill.

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What do you get when you sunflower? Vegan turtles.

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Why was the boy crying on his birthday? He was being molested by his birthday clown who he was fully aware was his alcoholic costumed father.... And it wasn't his birthday.

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I've got a joke for you. The people writing these jokes. Thats a joke.

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What do you call a white person on a leash? A toddler.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were belongs

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet with his great grandmother who got rushed to hospital due to having an epileptical seizure and is in life threatning conditions.

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A pornstar walks into a church, she has remained close to Christ despite her condescending career choice.

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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What do you call a black and white ruler? Barack Obama.

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Why'd the girl drop her lollipop? She got hit by a bus.

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Who wants $300? Me too.

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how fast does it take to kill a blonde? Give me a gun and i will find out

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Q.Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? A.One is a human and the other is an inanimate object used to give people a rest.

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Why did the weird alien jump everywhere? You probably don't want to know. If you learned why it jumped everywhere,you probably would make fun of it. I don't know if you know this, but aliens are sensitive. If you made fun of him, you probably would create World War 3:Humans VS Aliens.

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what did the cat say when he walked into a room full of dogs? Get meowt of here!

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a 7 year old child is watching a show that involves a c0ck, an ass, a bitch, and a bastard......... However this show is completely appropriate for a 7 year old, what could possibly be inappropriate about a chicken, donkey, dog and an orphan?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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