why didnt the black guy die on the bus fire? The fire was in the front of the bus!

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

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fruit salad?

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Why did the gay man not walk straight? Because I took a jack hammer to his foot

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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What does Santa do on Halloween? He gives out candy to the kids who come to his door.

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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YO FACE

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What does Tupac and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead but most of the people think they aren't.

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped sixes mom

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i man walks into a bar, he is found dead two days later with severe head trauma.

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How can a man go 8 days without sleeping? Sleep at night.

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2

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Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

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Why did the woman spray a black man in the eyes with pepper spray, then promptly run away? Because the woman was a notorious criminal and was currently robbing the man's house, but was caught in the act so she used pepper spray as her last line of defense while she fled from the scene before the man could call the police to detain her and put her in prison for her crimes.

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Whats green and gets you really high? A green airplane

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what do you call a dog with not legs? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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